My Top 5 Songs

Winter just doesn't want to yield to better weather, it seems. It's a little tiring.  I meant to get out to see live music both Friday and Saturday (it's Sunday, 4-8 as I write this), but did not because I would rather get housecleaning and other stuff done instead of trek out again with all these layers.   Music is becoming electric, again.  I have been disinterested in it a while, but the fervor is returning (thank God).  I am feeling good lately, while working on keeping myself in a positive state of mind. What has helped preserve this good mood are the two sexual encounters over the last few weeks. One woman was so beautiful. I believe both were satisfied since I was really, really into it and stayed aroused for a long while.  Pretty sure my neighbors knew that, too, hearing the one around midnight getting it like no tomorrow. Now  I've descended into the gutter once more.  Sorry, but getting laid really does help me. It's not an addict...

OK, one week into the month, and I'm posting for my throngs of afficionados.  Not bad - normally I'm 2 weeks late, or longer. Love the autumn. Well, it has its plus and minuses.  Big minus - the university people come back.  I live in a great American city with a huge university presence - and they pretty much dominate the better parts of this city.   And they are usually fucking stupid in public spaces - driving, on the bus, anywhere.  Look, I was dumb too at that age.  I did not think ahead, I felt like it was my right to be afforded an explanation for everything, and to be catered to....I might be hard on myself and maybe I was not THAT bad.  Even at that age, I had an excellent work ethic learned from my parents.  But, yea, I was at times a dick.   But an independent thinker, at least.  I was never a herd follower, and usually was alone most of the time.  Fine by me! I am not an angry old man.  It's just that when ...

Just like last year, I am two weeks late for March's Top 5 entry.   I read what I wrote last  year - it makes me sad.  I haven't changed much since then. I know what it is - it's the stress of school.   I work very hard in my graduate classes (I am two months from graduating!) and its kept me from a lot of social contact.  Not that that would make me a happy person, but it helps soften my periods of depression, and gives me inner strength.  I am so busy this weekend (as I will be until this fucking class is over), so I will leave it at that. We'll see how I adjust to post-school life at the end of May!  I will be free of school and its worries for the first time in about 5 years.  And, I will be in a good living situation (the apartment), and with a job that is tolerable (for the most part)....all in all, a situation where all departments of my life are at least acceptable, for the first time since probably around 1991 - seriously, tha...

I am really enjoying the summer thus far!  I love riding the bicycle, sometimes going 30 miles or more on a ride, or tackling some big hills here in the city. I got an A in the winter class, and started the condensed, fast moving summer class. It shouldn't be too much of a problem.   Just this one and two more....! But I know really I am empty inside. I have no friends, no significant other.  It's hopeless. I haven't changed much over the last 20 years. The same things that bothered me then bother me now. Of course there are differences - and changes for the better, I would like to think.  But I still have the same faults, make the same mistakes when it comes to people, and still have the same anxieties about socializing and being the center of attention. That's all I care to say now. I care about those things, but DON'T care, at the same time. Mastodon is dominating the chart this month! Next month, they may strike with another single from the very good a...

Another new year.   I am...indifferent.  I just don't emote much - I don't get excited, nor dejected. I just go with the flow.  I miss having EMOTION - being angry, happy, jubilant, or downcast - either a positive or negative emotion.  It doesn't matter - that was LIFE. I'm slowing down in my old age. haha. I'm sorry the song "Bear Hands" did not last long in the Top 5. I hope I don't forget it forever and never revisit the song. The new entry this month is one of those flukes:  a song from an artist I normally wouldn't like too much...but for whatever reason, I heard a song by chance, on a day I was more receptive to dance music, and it stuck in my head.  I love the Chainsmokers Remix of "Habits".  I checked out other songs by Tove Lo, the Swedish pop star.  She's OK, but it is just not my cup of tea. "Splice" is just an intoxicatingly beautiful song. There is not much else to say that I stated last month.  Geoff ...

Autumn descends on us. The nights are chilly.  I love this time of year.  I generally do not like winter, but do like autumn and in more recent years, summer.  Spring is tough because its generally rainy, humid, and how do you dress comfortably in those months?   It's cold in the morning and much warmer in the mid-day and afternoon. Yea, that's very interesting - my talking about the weather. I am listening to a posting at The Demoniacal, a website that collects and blogs daily different videos and articles on the paranormal, UFOs, and the like.  The current entry is a podcast where Bob Cranmer is interviewed.  He was a former county commissioner in Pennsylvania, and recently released a book about his family's haunting.  Listening to the guy is startling - he firmly believes this and explains the situations so matter of factly.  Maybe I should mention things in the world that are greater than my stupid little world and my problems...

What a month.  I'm glad its over.  I completed a role in a movie.  I filmed one night for a small role in a web series - both of those projects were the week just prior to my final exam and the final project. Long story short - used 1 1/2 days of vacation for the film projects, got very little sleep the following week, and went almost crazy with worry about the final project. All ended well, though - I finished the final exam online tonight, in fact, finished the final project this morning at 1AM, and got an A in the class. I am feeling pretty good. I got a new chin-up bar and have resolved to eat better, and exercise more often.  My plan for being a rock star are put on hold....again.  Will that ever happen? haha. It's late. This is a week late. I'm free from school for 3 weeks, but I have to spend time studying old material in preparation for this upcoming class.  But I would like to get away for a couple days in August. Get some sun, relaxat...

Contentment of November turns to complacency.  I am not motivated to do much except keep up with my class. I just can't adapt to middle age. I don't feel I'm in 'my place'. I had NEVER felt that way - never comfortable in my own skin. Frankly I am sick of 'hearing' myself as I type this shit for what now?  The last two years or so?  There is little point, it seems, to continue this way.  Hey, I am not ungrateful for what I have - running water, indoor plumbing, a roof over my head, knowing I (probably) won't get shot by a sniper like some poor person in Syria or something. Yes, I am fully aware of the torment a lot of people go through daily just to stay alive, let alone be happy. But it's hard to explain how overwhelming frustration and sadness are. Music.....Geoff Tate's Queensryche hits the top spot!  Pretty good album. The haters (and Tate has a lot on youtube!) can hate - its a great song, it really is. I think the guitar solo was done...