My Top 5 Songs

A couple weeks late for March, 2015.  I can't believe I made it to 2015.  I had always thought I would die, either of a heart attack, as a victim of a random shooting, or by my own hand. My mind has ebbed back to the gloom of yesteryear.  I can't believe it, but it's true - I am fatalistic again - always fantasizing about dying in dramatic fashion, like rescuing someone while falling to death myself. I am just....damaged.  I will always feel weird, wired, self-loathsome, and immature.   There, I said it - my values are immature. They are in the gutter. I still harbor resentment from decades ago. Tonight I ripped up all my high school yearbooks.  I graduated THIRTY years ago this coming spring.  For THREE DECADES I carried them around with me, from place to place.  So tonight, in trying to keep with my spirit of being organized and not holding on to junk, I found them in  a box - top shelf of a closet.   I took them to the floor, w...

Well, 2013 bumps along.  If I were a reader of my blog, I probably would have stopped following a long time ago. It's the same old thing with me - chronic lonliness, sadness....I just don't understand the world. Often I'm not good with people.  I've developed anxiety - not to a crippling degree, but where I have to THINK about anything I say, hoping to not regret what I say, or to sound stupid. All in all, things are going well, though. This semester is almost done, and I thought I was doomed for a C or D, but I think an A is still possible (I'll take a B and be happy). I miss guitar. I was really into it for a few months, having decided I will (finally) make it a priority and whatnot.  It just never became a daily thing. Since the new year, I may have played it once or twice. I still haven't given up the dream of becoming a good guitarist, in a band that does song I've written, that kicks ass but is still an intelligent band. OK, on to over-analyzing ...