My Top 5 Songs

Ain't no cure for the summertime blues. I am still in a very anxious state.  I hate my job, but really, do I want to start AGAIN at my age?  I don't belong anywhere.  I am so alone in this world. JULY 2017 1.   "Show Yourself", by Mastodon  2, 1, 2 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gUGda7GdZPQ 2.  "Moth Into Flame", by Metallica 1, 1, 4 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4tdKl-gTpZg 3. "Nimble Bastard", by Incubus -, 3, 1 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9foq4RPR_70 4. "My Name is Human", by Highly Suspect 4, 4, 2 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l5-gja10qkw 5.  "Feel Alive", by Red-Sided Garter Snakes 5, 5, 4 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qysnVcbA-c4 JULY 2016 1.  "Cirice", by Ghost 1, 1, 3 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-0Ao4t_fe0I 2. "Shock Me", by Baroness -, 2, 1 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hS5osAdTnm0 3. "Ember City", by Mastodon -, 3, 1 https://www.yout...

Well, just like October of 2015, I am very late posting for this month. Been busy, as usual.  Again....thank God graduate school is done, because all this stuff keeping me busy now are things that are PLEASURABLE, low stress, and FUN.... I do like my field of study, but it is a challenge.  I remain on vacation from it, until after Thanksgiving, at which time I will try to network, keep up with the industry, and who knows - maybe connect with a great employment opportunity. I love the autumn.   The cooler weather is a nice break.  I have fallen out of workout mode, and feel like a lump on a log.  But I AM spending time working on guitar and the arts, basically.  I hope to see maybe one play every 5-6 weeks, and take cues on acting.   Acting class chugs along - started a few weeks ago.  I have mixed feelings on it - it is something like 15 weeks long, and expensive.  Thus far, I question on the length of it (FIFTEEN WEEKS!?!) and...

I never was a summer time person.  I just never went to beaches, pools, etc.  I always thought people should not be so revealing, too, just because most were ugly.  The last summer that changed a bit.  And this summer, too.  I have been riding my bike for exercise in areas of the city I NEVER thought I would venture (on a bike).  It's an amazing feeling of liberty and mobility, free of charge, and without creating pollution.  And, this year, I actually have been wearing tank tops. I always thought I would look ridiculous in them because in my perspective, I had scrawny arms.  Well, I realized they aren't scrawny at all. Not that I'm a narcissist, but they are muscular enough not to look dorky in a tank top. This sounds ridiculous, but someone would have to understand the feeling of freedom this brings - to feel the wind and sun on areas of the body that hardly ever have had those feelings. To me, its a great feeling....of comfort, and in a way...

I had such a good summer last year. I can't bear to read my pathetic posts from the summer months of 2013, but I do remember getting a lot of bike riding in, if nothing else. I did not have a class (I will this summer, and the next), so I was rather carefree.  My personal issues were still there, though - no real friendships, lonliness, confusion about other things..... So thus far, I have enjoyed the good weather and managed to get out to the amusement park (a rarity for me).  I am continually frustrated that the person I love (I think) does not wish me to visit. Its about an hour + 10 minute drive.  Again and again, I am denied.  I haven't seen this person in TWO YEARS!  The whole thing is...complicated.  I just can't let go - I feel this person should be a part of my life, although it's been one big headache for the last 4 years - when we met. I did get the "B" I needed.  My next class is another bull sh--requirement - Communication or some crap...

Well, 2013 bumps along.  If I were a reader of my blog, I probably would have stopped following a long time ago. It's the same old thing with me - chronic lonliness, sadness....I just don't understand the world. Often I'm not good with people.  I've developed anxiety - not to a crippling degree, but where I have to THINK about anything I say, hoping to not regret what I say, or to sound stupid. All in all, things are going well, though. This semester is almost done, and I thought I was doomed for a C or D, but I think an A is still possible (I'll take a B and be happy). I miss guitar. I was really into it for a few months, having decided I will (finally) make it a priority and whatnot.  It just never became a daily thing. Since the new year, I may have played it once or twice. I still haven't given up the dream of becoming a good guitarist, in a band that does song I've written, that kicks ass but is still an intelligent band. OK, on to over-analyzing ...