My Top 5 Songs

A new year. I won't wax philosophic - I'm not good at that, exactly. You know, opining with clever sentences and saying something enticing of a chuckle or two, while warming your heart in nervous anticipation of another year...I will spare myself the attempt at that. I will say this: I tried to wipe the proverbial slate clean. No more self-guessing. No more apologizing for stupid stuff that doesn't require an apology. Grab life. Face challenges. Stop being afraid of things getting hard or more difficult.  Just do it, dammit!  Accept the days when I feel miserable, or when I don't feel happy, and just deal with it...then move on. Oh, the insanity that is me. I'm so busy with acting opportunities coming up - trying to learn an English accents, practicing monologues, and trying to drop a few pounds to just look a bit healthier. Work is starting to suck, though. I have to amp up my effort. Well, the very cool "Running Backwards" by Geoff Tate's Que...

Contentment of November turns to complacency.  I am not motivated to do much except keep up with my class. I just can't adapt to middle age. I don't feel I'm in 'my place'. I had NEVER felt that way - never comfortable in my own skin. Frankly I am sick of 'hearing' myself as I type this shit for what now?  The last two years or so?  There is little point, it seems, to continue this way.  Hey, I am not ungrateful for what I have - running water, indoor plumbing, a roof over my head, knowing I (probably) won't get shot by a sniper like some poor person in Syria or something. Yes, I am fully aware of the torment a lot of people go through daily just to stay alive, let alone be happy. But it's hard to explain how overwhelming frustration and sadness are. Music.....Geoff Tate's Queensryche hits the top spot!  Pretty good album. The haters (and Tate has a lot on youtube!) can hate - its a great song, it really is. I think the guitar solo was done...

Late again.  November is a weird month for me for various reasons too boring to state. I love it, though.  It is the advent of the holiday seasons.  If I'm in school (which is most of my life, it seems), I can see the light at the end of the semester tunnel. Things are going so well that I can't help but think of ways to sabotage everything.  No, really, I think of cutting myself off from some friends.  Abruptly quitting my job.  I mean, ANYTHING, even suicide, anything that will hurt someone and make them feel bad.  A part of me would enjoy that, even though the 'whole' of me would not. Weird, I know.  It's like I can't just enjoy being....happy.  Content.  Comfortable in a success that I have created for myself. I need despair, conflict, sadnesss....This is just honesty here. I realize this problem.  I do not know why I HAVE this problem, though, nor how to let it go. I have a suspicion, though.  One reason my mind wo...

Well, April is here. I can see the overcast on my spirits recede. Maybe actually seeing the sun has something to do with it. Warmer weather, all of that. Keeping busy helps. I have been incredibly busy with 3 jobs and doing some acting on the side as well. Now for my picky comments...! I had to look up the Metallica song. I honestly didn't remember it, and now I know why. Metallica is great, but that particular song wasn't that memorable - not bad, but not a killer song. It didn't last long, as I peeked ahead on what I recorded a decade ago! Alice in Chains hits #1! It has some strong competition, though, from Alberta Cross' song, and Chevelle's new single, which probably will storm my top 5 next month! But the very nice and almost mellow "It's Your Decision" breaks in. It's a thought-provoking song. Ah, nice to have AIC back. I raved about the Silversun Pickups last June or July - there are even a few more songs from their most recent album that a...

A new year, a new decade. Can I be any less enthused? I simply hate my life right now. I am unemployed, bored, without any real friends, confused, aimless, oppressed, ugly, uninspired, unmotivated, and without lack of adjectives! Well, Alice got another top five song. I think from the new album, a third might show itself. Three top five songs from one CD is pretty good (as if this were all real - haha!). Anyway, thank you Jerry Cantrell for "Private Hell" - it is sweetly opiatic, soothing, and yet in that way some bands like AIC does, strokes the anxiety and inner torment that boils inside me like a fairy tale witch's cauldron. "life is short"....mine seems to drag on endlessly, mercilessly. Here are my top five songs for this month.... JANUARY 2010 1. "Jars", by Chevelle 4, 1, 2 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bV-L24ZaPrY 2. "Check My Brain", by Alice in Chains 3, 2, 2 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SZTQ7xlFFA8 3. "Never Gonna Give Your...

This month's list is almost three weeks late. I have been very preoccupied and kept putting this off. I am trying very hard to find some christmas spirit deep in the recesses of my dark, black soul... But anyway, looky here who is at #2!!! ***ALICE IN CHAINS*** The new CD is pretty good - not their best, but hardly a disappointment! By next month, another song from the new CD might enter the almighty Top 5! Also, "Jars" debuts, and its in very strong standing. It may catapult to #1 next month. I love the song - at this time, its my favorite current song. Here are my top five songs for December 2009, and the other lists from the past: DECEMBER 2009 1. "Never Gonna Give Your Teen Spirit Up", by Nirvana vs. Rick Astley, thriftshopxl 1, 1, 3 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NN75im_us4k 2. "Check My Brain", by Alice in Chains -, 2, 1 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SZTQ7xlFFA8 3. "It's Nice to Know You Work Alone" by Silversun Pickups 2, 1, 5 ...