My Top 5 Songs

Ain't no cure for the summertime blues. I am still in a very anxious state.  I hate my job, but really, do I want to start AGAIN at my age?  I don't belong anywhere.  I am so alone in this world. JULY 2017 1.   "Show Yourself", by Mastodon  2, 1, 2 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gUGda7GdZPQ 2.  "Moth Into Flame", by Metallica 1, 1, 4 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4tdKl-gTpZg 3. "Nimble Bastard", by Incubus -, 3, 1 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9foq4RPR_70 4. "My Name is Human", by Highly Suspect 4, 4, 2 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l5-gja10qkw 5.  "Feel Alive", by Red-Sided Garter Snakes 5, 5, 4 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qysnVcbA-c4 JULY 2016 1.  "Cirice", by Ghost 1, 1, 3 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-0Ao4t_fe0I 2. "Shock Me", by Baroness -, 2, 1 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hS5osAdTnm0 3. "Ember City", by Mastodon -, 3, 1 https://www.yout...

Can't be any more of a procrastinator, as August is just days away. I did not receive my diploma in the mail, but the final grade is in, and I actually did pretty well - a B-. At one point in the semester I was expecting to finish with a D!    So to acquire a B- grade in that fucking abysmally difficult class?  AWESOME! YAY ME! I have been working hard (at work), but also finally getting out to enjoy things like bowling and such.  Well, I haven't yet picked up the guitar to learn (or RElearn) stuff, but that is coming soon. I have been actually so happy for a while now.  I have often mentioned in this stupid blog about my bouts with periodic depression and all that.   Moreso, it's sadness, and not really depression anymore.  I attribute that to my own self-education about depression and anxiety, and my motives to deal with it. All with no drugs...counseling I might have been able to use, but any psych drugs? Nope.  Not that ...

Autumn descends on us. The nights are chilly.  I love this time of year.  I generally do not like winter, but do like autumn and in more recent years, summer.  Spring is tough because its generally rainy, humid, and how do you dress comfortably in those months?   It's cold in the morning and much warmer in the mid-day and afternoon. Yea, that's very interesting - my talking about the weather. I am listening to a posting at The Demoniacal, a website that collects and blogs daily different videos and articles on the paranormal, UFOs, and the like.  The current entry is a podcast where Bob Cranmer is interviewed.  He was a former county commissioner in Pennsylvania, and recently released a book about his family's haunting.  Listening to the guy is startling - he firmly believes this and explains the situations so matter of factly.  Maybe I should mention things in the world that are greater than my stupid little world and my problems...

I had such a good summer last year. I can't bear to read my pathetic posts from the summer months of 2013, but I do remember getting a lot of bike riding in, if nothing else. I did not have a class (I will this summer, and the next), so I was rather carefree.  My personal issues were still there, though - no real friendships, lonliness, confusion about other things..... So thus far, I have enjoyed the good weather and managed to get out to the amusement park (a rarity for me).  I am continually frustrated that the person I love (I think) does not wish me to visit. Its about an hour + 10 minute drive.  Again and again, I am denied.  I haven't seen this person in TWO YEARS!  The whole thing is...complicated.  I just can't let go - I feel this person should be a part of my life, although it's been one big headache for the last 4 years - when we met. I did get the "B" I needed.  My next class is another bull sh--requirement - Communication or some crap...

*SiGH*  Ups and downs, as usual. I could be doing pretty well for about a week, then everything - my optimism, self-confidence, and general outlook on life, come crashing down into a negative posture. If there are new things to try, there's hope. It's like buying time. If I didn't have this false hope, I would fall into depression like in years past.  I don't care. Who reads this stupid blog? I fucking hate my dumb life. JUNE 2013 1. "Diamonds", by Rihanna 1, 1,4 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lWA2pjMjpBs 2. "Can't Get Better Than This", by Parachute Youth 2, 2, 5 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AHC302BjEhY 3. "Bride of Infinity", by Blondie 3, 3, 3 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WIIf-Qo8XJo 4. "Glass Mountain", by Radiana -,4,1 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SL4gIiuCB-A 5. "Live to Rise", by Soundgarden 5, 5, 2 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D3ZNtOcY_1A JUNE 2012 1. "The Sound of Winter"...