My Top 5 Songs

Late this month.  It's OK, no change to the charts anyway.  This will probably not be the story for April.  I just love charting music. The late winter drags on.  I am enjoying music I find, but it has been a long while since I had seen any live music.  I just don't have passion to do so.  I do not want to be one of those people there who simply stand, wait for a song to complete, then applaud.  To me, it's personal - I need to enjoy it, to feel it.  Not that I would be in a trance or hypnotized, but still.   So if I am not really WANTING in the first place to see live music, I probably see no reason to venture out to do so. Anyway, I am missing a lot since I see from Facebook feeds that there are local bands out there, some I actually know of, entertaining the masses.  I just hate going alone and knowing no one.  That's awkward.  I really need to be IN a band.  It's possible I am definitely one of those weird, ...

I never was a summer time person.  I just never went to beaches, pools, etc.  I always thought people should not be so revealing, too, just because most were ugly.  The last summer that changed a bit.  And this summer, too.  I have been riding my bike for exercise in areas of the city I NEVER thought I would venture (on a bike).  It's an amazing feeling of liberty and mobility, free of charge, and without creating pollution.  And, this year, I actually have been wearing tank tops. I always thought I would look ridiculous in them because in my perspective, I had scrawny arms.  Well, I realized they aren't scrawny at all. Not that I'm a narcissist, but they are muscular enough not to look dorky in a tank top. This sounds ridiculous, but someone would have to understand the feeling of freedom this brings - to feel the wind and sun on areas of the body that hardly ever have had those feelings. To me, its a great feeling....of comfort, and in a way...

Well, 2013 bumps along.  If I were a reader of my blog, I probably would have stopped following a long time ago. It's the same old thing with me - chronic lonliness, sadness....I just don't understand the world. Often I'm not good with people.  I've developed anxiety - not to a crippling degree, but where I have to THINK about anything I say, hoping to not regret what I say, or to sound stupid. All in all, things are going well, though. This semester is almost done, and I thought I was doomed for a C or D, but I think an A is still possible (I'll take a B and be happy). I miss guitar. I was really into it for a few months, having decided I will (finally) make it a priority and whatnot.  It just never became a daily thing. Since the new year, I may have played it once or twice. I still haven't given up the dream of becoming a good guitarist, in a band that does song I've written, that kicks ass but is still an intelligent band. OK, on to over-analyzing ...