My Top 5 Songs

I did not write anything last month because I did not care to.  So strange - as if I am writing FOR someone.  Really, this who thing, aside from my deep love of music, is therapeutic for me.  As if just writing out my feelings would help. I don't know if I've been helped.  All I can say is I am still thrilled that I am out of graduate school, almost for a year now.  As usual, the seasonal affective disorder (my diagnosis) hit this last winter, making me  miserable and glum on a daily basis. I have been working out, having lost weight, and feeling good mentally as well as physically. I have a second job a few hours a week to keep me busy and keep my mind off of deep introspection that usually results in suicidal fantasies.   I haven't pursued anonymous sex like last year.  I don't know if the drive is gone since I'm a year older, or if it has more to do with my crazy mind. I have branched out a little to get involved in various things,...

What a month.  I'm glad its over.  I completed a role in a movie.  I filmed one night for a small role in a web series - both of those projects were the week just prior to my final exam and the final project. Long story short - used 1 1/2 days of vacation for the film projects, got very little sleep the following week, and went almost crazy with worry about the final project. All ended well, though - I finished the final exam online tonight, in fact, finished the final project this morning at 1AM, and got an A in the class. I am feeling pretty good. I got a new chin-up bar and have resolved to eat better, and exercise more often.  My plan for being a rock star are put on hold....again.  Will that ever happen? haha. It's late. This is a week late. I'm free from school for 3 weeks, but I have to spend time studying old material in preparation for this upcoming class.  But I would like to get away for a couple days in August. Get some sun, relaxat...

This month's is very late. Next week it will have to be updated again. Two new entries, from bands I had previously never heard of, and will probably not hear from again!  In any case, the new entries are great, uplifting, dare i say 'joyous' rock songs. Radiana is holding on to a very respectable showing. I think it was #1 for just a week, but let's face it - ANY artist covets a showing in my Top 5.  FACT! "Aunt Betty" is one of those songs with a very heavy rhythm and perhaps vocals I find poignant that just dominate. An example of that might be Stone Temple Pilots' "Trippin' on a Hole in a Paper Heart", which was on the charts for EIGHT months. I love that chorus "I am I am I am myself - I'm not dead but I'm not for sale....". I am numb again, lately - some place between happiness in life but teetering on depression. Same old same old, but I guess I'll take this rather than the byproducts of actually being dep...