My Top 5 Songs

I am at a strange peace.  I went to church tonight, and as usual, my mind strayed for most of it.  Sorry, but I have some kind of adult deficit disorder thing.  At least I went.  I do take spirituality seriously.  I can honestly say I have my doubts ANYTHING about it is true, but at the same time, my mind finds justification about the existence of God.  Hmmm...nah, will delve into it in a future posting, maybe. Well, I took a scalding hot shower after re-reading my previous month's post.  Yes, with clear conscious I was involved in meaningless encounters, but I wince when I read what sounds like gloating about it.  I probably will never have a long lasting, deep relationship.  I think I've known this for over 2 decades. I just can't do it - I am damaged in a way and that is why marriage will never happen, I guess. But that in no way means a life is mis-used. You can still touch people deeply (I am restraining to make a frat boy comment he...

All right.  Time to heal.  I am trying to shake off another episode of doldrums and chronic depression.  I am coming out of it again.  I am fighting to make life tolerable again.  I am trying to learn to stay non-depressed...again. This blog just has to be the worst read for anyone.  Like I said last year or whenever, I am talking just to talk.  Writing words just to write.  If someone were to read these words, fine.  If not....fine. I am not really enjoying the summer and not having much in the way of socializing.  I work too much, and am withdrawn where I look forward to the couch and the TV more than going for out to talk to the neighbors or whatever.  It's OK. I am not happy, but just going through the motions of life lately.  AUGUST 2017 1.   "Show Yourself", by Mastodon  1, 1, 3 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gUGda7GdZPQ 2.  "Nimble Bastard", by Incubus 3, 2, 2 https://www.youtube.com/watc...

Well, another repeat:  late post this month...school was murder in the final weeks of the term...but got an A anyway, although I feel like I did not learn really THAT much as I should for fucking graduate school....sheesh.....feeling up and down - depressed, then happy, then depressed. What is the point of this stupid blog?!?!??!  What is the point of even going on, I am beginning to wonder.  I am truly alone and no one cares if a white guy over 35 lives, dies, or what he things about anything. Here is my Top 5 for this month.  Not a lot of movement, as my life has not centered that much on music lately.  I have a month until the next, and final semester starts - I am hoping to brush up on my deteriorated music skills, as well as get in some exercise, and other pursuits. That is all - my head hurts, my neck hurts, and I do not fear death. DECEMBER 2015 1.  "Wildfire", by Borgeous 1, 1, 5 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gmZI7xFisHA ...

What a year. It's almost over. I don't know what to ponder, or how to label 2012.  It was overall good, I guess. I found full-time work in my career field (sort of, but it will do). I completed a graduate level course and got an A- (whew...it took A LOT of work).  I got word that I was accepted into grad school for 2013. And, so far, I still have my good health, my safety, my sight (even though it's getting worse!).... I am used to being alone, though.  I haven't been intimate with someone in about 2 years now!  I haven't kissed anyone passionately in that time, too. It would be nice to find that special someone, but oh well. There isn't much change in this month's Top 5.  What's notable is another entry from Blondie. "Sleeping Giant" is a song that didn't make the cut for their recent "Panic of Girls" album. WHY!?! "Panic" is the best of their last three albums (the post-reunion era), and it is actually decent, co...