My Top 5 Songs

I am at a strange peace.  I went to church tonight, and as usual, my mind strayed for most of it.  Sorry, but I have some kind of adult deficit disorder thing.  At least I went.  I do take spirituality seriously.  I can honestly say I have my doubts ANYTHING about it is true, but at the same time, my mind finds justification about the existence of God.  Hmmm...nah, will delve into it in a future posting, maybe. Well, I took a scalding hot shower after re-reading my previous month's post.  Yes, with clear conscious I was involved in meaningless encounters, but I wince when I read what sounds like gloating about it.  I probably will never have a long lasting, deep relationship.  I think I've known this for over 2 decades. I just can't do it - I am damaged in a way and that is why marriage will never happen, I guess. But that in no way means a life is mis-used. You can still touch people deeply (I am restraining to make a frat boy comment he...

All right.  Time to heal.  I am trying to shake off another episode of doldrums and chronic depression.  I am coming out of it again.  I am fighting to make life tolerable again.  I am trying to learn to stay non-depressed...again. This blog just has to be the worst read for anyone.  Like I said last year or whenever, I am talking just to talk.  Writing words just to write.  If someone were to read these words, fine.  If not....fine. I am not really enjoying the summer and not having much in the way of socializing.  I work too much, and am withdrawn where I look forward to the couch and the TV more than going for out to talk to the neighbors or whatever.  It's OK. I am not happy, but just going through the motions of life lately.  AUGUST 2017 1.   "Show Yourself", by Mastodon  1, 1, 3 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gUGda7GdZPQ 2.  "Nimble Bastard", by Incubus 3, 2, 2 https://www.youtube.com/watc...

Just like last year, I am two weeks late for March's Top 5 entry.   I read what I wrote last  year - it makes me sad.  I haven't changed much since then. I know what it is - it's the stress of school.   I work very hard in my graduate classes (I am two months from graduating!) and its kept me from a lot of social contact.  Not that that would make me a happy person, but it helps soften my periods of depression, and gives me inner strength.  I am so busy this weekend (as I will be until this fucking class is over), so I will leave it at that. We'll see how I adjust to post-school life at the end of May!  I will be free of school and its worries for the first time in about 5 years.  And, I will be in a good living situation (the apartment), and with a job that is tolerable (for the most part)....all in all, a situation where all departments of my life are at least acceptable, for the first time since probably around 1991 - seriously, tha...

Whew!  Summer class over...got an A.  This wasn't a total chore - it was a pretty easy class. Two more...then I am done with graduate school...just nine more months or so.  Question is, what to do AFTER that?   Advance my career?  I just don't want to work more hours doing what I do, and instead want to focus on... ...have you been paying attention to my blog?   Yes, that is correct!  Music, acting, stuff like that.  And weightlifting and staying in shape, too. I'm actually in a good mood.  I feel good, but as usual, I'm sullen...with no relationships, nowhere to fit in, nothing....So as long as the weather  is nice and I can get out and walk and ride the bike, I'm good.  Otherwise, I suck. Chalk up another #1 for Mastodon.  They now have two.  Some day I will have to research what bands have the most #1s, most Top 5 songs, etc.  No doubt Godsmack will dominate most of those categories. The eerie and hauntin...

I kept putting this off...it's another thing on the schedule.  MORE time at the computer.  I need a break - I need frivolty: watching movies, driving around for the helluvit, getting a pizza at midnight.... I am just so busy, as usual. A cousin got married recently.  It was nice to see family from other states and provinces, for the first time in years.  I always feel dull, and that no one really wants to talk to me that much. Little do they know how interesting I am - I just am not the conventional citizen as they are.  They are mostly all nice people, but just...typical.  I just do not feel I am typical.  My dreams are for music and acting....honestly, they are. Here is this month's Top 5.  Mastodon just kicks ass, what more can be said.  There is weakness among the big hits, though, now that I can devote more time to my saved playlist of current favorites. I missed Jane's Addiction, by the way.  I was not feeling well, and ...