My Top 5 Songs

Can't be any more of a procrastinator, as August is just days away. I did not receive my diploma in the mail, but the final grade is in, and I actually did pretty well - a B-. At one point in the semester I was expecting to finish with a D!    So to acquire a B- grade in that fucking abysmally difficult class?  AWESOME! YAY ME! I have been working hard (at work), but also finally getting out to enjoy things like bowling and such.  Well, I haven't yet picked up the guitar to learn (or RElearn) stuff, but that is coming soon. I have been actually so happy for a while now.  I have often mentioned in this stupid blog about my bouts with periodic depression and all that.   Moreso, it's sadness, and not really depression anymore.  I attribute that to my own self-education about depression and anxiety, and my motives to deal with it. All with no drugs...counseling I might have been able to use, but any psych drugs? Nope.  Not that ...

Very late this month.  The chart movements are true to where they would be had the chart been completed at the beginning of this month. School ended - it was a difficult semester. There were A LOT of hours spent trying to complete assignments, tests, and projects.  At the end of it all, I did not complete the final four homeworks - I just was so far behind that I could not get to those chapters.  The final test was BASED ON THOSE CHAPTERS, though - so I was working on the exam as I was seeing the material for the first time. I thought I did very well on the exam.   But...through some misunderstanding that will hopefully be cleared up, the test was not counted (in effect, a ZERO), which killed my grade and gave me a D! This is wrong - I hope to set straight this situation, which is too complex to explain here. Needless to say, I have been under stress waiting for the instructor to get his mind off vacation mode and act on correcting what he thinks is a late exam...

I never was a summer time person.  I just never went to beaches, pools, etc.  I always thought people should not be so revealing, too, just because most were ugly.  The last summer that changed a bit.  And this summer, too.  I have been riding my bike for exercise in areas of the city I NEVER thought I would venture (on a bike).  It's an amazing feeling of liberty and mobility, free of charge, and without creating pollution.  And, this year, I actually have been wearing tank tops. I always thought I would look ridiculous in them because in my perspective, I had scrawny arms.  Well, I realized they aren't scrawny at all. Not that I'm a narcissist, but they are muscular enough not to look dorky in a tank top. This sounds ridiculous, but someone would have to understand the feeling of freedom this brings - to feel the wind and sun on areas of the body that hardly ever have had those feelings. To me, its a great feeling....of comfort, and in a way...

Late again.  November is a weird month for me for various reasons too boring to state. I love it, though.  It is the advent of the holiday seasons.  If I'm in school (which is most of my life, it seems), I can see the light at the end of the semester tunnel. Things are going so well that I can't help but think of ways to sabotage everything.  No, really, I think of cutting myself off from some friends.  Abruptly quitting my job.  I mean, ANYTHING, even suicide, anything that will hurt someone and make them feel bad.  A part of me would enjoy that, even though the 'whole' of me would not. Weird, I know.  It's like I can't just enjoy being....happy.  Content.  Comfortable in a success that I have created for myself. I need despair, conflict, sadnesss....This is just honesty here. I realize this problem.  I do not know why I HAVE this problem, though, nor how to let it go. I have a suspicion, though.  One reason my mind wo...

'Sweatin' to the oldies', one might say in these dog days of summer. 'Sweatin'" was an aerobics/exercise routine from maybe 10 years ago.  Anyway, yea, this is one hot summer, and we are barely into it. Recently I completed a small part in a movie, and I acted in a play.  For the former - fun, and I was lucky enough to use the day on set to cement some acquaintanceships - well, they can't call them 'friendships' exactly, and I doubt they were 'cemented'.  but I saw movie crew I had worked with in the past. That's a good thing, because they might keep me in mind for future roles. For the latter - the play - well, that was OK. Good and bad. Mostly negative - this was a dinky play that wasn't even very good.  Some of the people were so hard to deal with. They were always stressed, curt, and swearing.....it's ok, it was decent acting experience, although a small role (as usual). I have an audition coming up for a one act play. ...