My Top 5 Songs

Cool, got some motion on the charts, good songs moving through, some fresh stuff to listen to after a few months of stagnation and boredom.   Mastadon is due an album this year, I think, but I haven't paid much attention to :"Emporer of Sand".  I will have to give that a listen because the second song from it just charted, while "Show Yourself" hangs on a while longer!  There might be more good stuff on that album!  I just wasn't grabbed by it and let it fall by the wayside. Dinosoul rules, though.  Kinda makes me sad - will I ever hear from this band again?  It's a local band from in or around Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.  Those two songs are just lush and beautiful.  The soaring chorus on "Dimension" is, to me, awesome sounding.  I have always loved songs with similar guitar effects - its as if a guitar moans, or weeps, or laughs.  Those sustained notes with that particular effect is wicked.  I love that woman's voice - i...

I had such a good summer last year. I can't bear to read my pathetic posts from the summer months of 2013, but I do remember getting a lot of bike riding in, if nothing else. I did not have a class (I will this summer, and the next), so I was rather carefree.  My personal issues were still there, though - no real friendships, lonliness, confusion about other things..... So thus far, I have enjoyed the good weather and managed to get out to the amusement park (a rarity for me).  I am continually frustrated that the person I love (I think) does not wish me to visit. Its about an hour + 10 minute drive.  Again and again, I am denied.  I haven't seen this person in TWO YEARS!  The whole thing is...complicated.  I just can't let go - I feel this person should be a part of my life, although it's been one big headache for the last 4 years - when we met. I did get the "B" I needed.  My next class is another bull sh--requirement - Communication or some crap...

I feel old. And, anachronistic. I just am so full of anxiety as I feel so out of place, anywhere. But I've always felt like that, ever since I can remember. I live like I'm in my 20s, in a way. I think the silliest things are funny. Any (few) 'friends' I DO have are in their 20s. I just can't get a grip on who I am, what I want to do with my life, where I'm going, and everything else. I'm a middle aged nothing loser...I just can't cope anymore with anxiety, depression, and stress. What makes me happy? Music does, I guess. My acting might, although the opportunities have dried up, and I've actually gotten to be a worse actor, because of my nervousness and self-consciousness. Yea - I mean, I was getting better, had impressed a few people, but then the last 3 auditions sucked lemons. I got into acting to get OVER this shit, and ive slid backwards into the pit of low-esteem. I dont want to see summer 2012. I dont want to be around by that time. I just ...