My Top 5 Songs

November 2017 1.  "Nimble Bastard", by Incubus 1, 1, 5 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9foq4RPR_70 2.  "My Name is Human", by Highly Suspect 2, 2,6 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l5-gja10qkw 3.   "Show Yourself", by Mastodon  3, 1, 6 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gUGda7GdZPQ 4.  "Feel Alive", by Red-Sided Garter Snakes 4, 4, 8 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qysnVcbA-c4 5. "Dimension", by Dinosoul -, 5, 1 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BYYaSwWX5VQ November 2016 1.  "Also Am I", by 36 Crazyfists 2, 1, 4 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dLkm-Bpkgv4 2.  "Shock Me", by Baroness 1, 1, 6 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hS5osAdTnm0 3.  "Once More 'Round the Sun", by Mastodon 3, 3, 3 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tI81VTGTdaU 4. "Don't Let Me Down", by Chainsmokers featuring Daya -, 4, 1 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Io0fBr1XBUA 5.  "Cir...

Late again.  I am depressed.  Again.  I just have had it.  I am big whiny dick, I know.  There are people suffering in this world.  I can't understand why in my head this is so overwhelming that I feel like total shit, making me want to be alone, and to not live anymore.  I just have a very tired feeling inside. Nothing brings me joy.  I am dead again inside. JUNE 2017 1.  "Moth Into Flame", by Metallica 2, 1, 3 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4tdKl-gTpZg 2. "Show Yourself", by Mastodon -, 2, 1 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gUGda7GdZPQ 3. " Phantom Bride", by Deftones 1, 1,  4 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xSycaeY7qi4 4. "My Name is Human", by Highly Suspect -, 4, 1 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l5-gja10qkw 5.  "Feel Alive", by Red-Sided Garter Snakes 5, 5, 3 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qysnVcbA-c4 JUNE 2016 1.  "Cirice", by Ghost 2, 1, 2 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-0Ao4t_fe0I ...

I did not write anything last month because I did not care to.  So strange - as if I am writing FOR someone.  Really, this who thing, aside from my deep love of music, is therapeutic for me.  As if just writing out my feelings would help. I don't know if I've been helped.  All I can say is I am still thrilled that I am out of graduate school, almost for a year now.  As usual, the seasonal affective disorder (my diagnosis) hit this last winter, making me  miserable and glum on a daily basis. I have been working out, having lost weight, and feeling good mentally as well as physically. I have a second job a few hours a week to keep me busy and keep my mind off of deep introspection that usually results in suicidal fantasies.   I haven't pursued anonymous sex like last year.  I don't know if the drive is gone since I'm a year older, or if it has more to do with my crazy mind. I have branched out a little to get involved in various things,...

Better late than never, as I lay here dying...from food asphyxiation/intoxication...in other words, it's Thanksgiving night and I am questioning my existence when feeling like shit from...eating.  I mean, a basic carbon life form function, and it makes me sick (not sick like I'm vomiting, but sick as in languid, tired, sleepy but not enough to sleep). It's a holiday - pass granted.  Diet starts tomorrow! Life continues, and is going well.  I still have the doldrums, but I guess I am doing what people need to do, in lieu of marriage and having children - expand your horizons, try out different things, stay busy.  The song from 36 Crazyfists hits #1.  A band I never heard of until this song, which is about 2 years old now.  I just never tired of it, and it remained on my youtube favorites, and when I tired of other songs, "Also Am I" got closer attention.  What a simply straighforward, kick ass song. The new entry is an EDM type song.  It h...

Before you blink, the summer will have passed by.  And it's been pretty good. I made time to get away for a few days, have been bike riding, planning ahead for acting, and so on. Life has been OK lately.  I am stressed from chronic neck pain and stiffness, and the headaches that result from my trying to work out the stiffness.  I will get that checked in due time. In the meantime, here is my Top 5 for August.  The song from 36 Crazyfists had been on my list of current songs for quite a while.  The competition from hard rock/metal songs has been tough the last year or more, because of Mastodon in large part.  Anyway, welcome, 36 Crazyfists, to a song tracking blog that has zero readers!  They have been around since 1994 - I only heard of them from this song, "Also Am I".   Great song.....I'm listening to them now via youtube, a song called "Slit Wrist Theory", which is pretty damn good, too! That is all - I actually have an audition for what...

I kept putting this off...it's another thing on the schedule.  MORE time at the computer.  I need a break - I need frivolty: watching movies, driving around for the helluvit, getting a pizza at midnight.... I am just so busy, as usual. A cousin got married recently.  It was nice to see family from other states and provinces, for the first time in years.  I always feel dull, and that no one really wants to talk to me that much. Little do they know how interesting I am - I just am not the conventional citizen as they are.  They are mostly all nice people, but just...typical.  I just do not feel I am typical.  My dreams are for music and acting....honestly, they are. Here is this month's Top 5.  Mastodon just kicks ass, what more can be said.  There is weakness among the big hits, though, now that I can devote more time to my saved playlist of current favorites. I missed Jane's Addiction, by the way.  I was not feeling well, and ...

I am really enjoying the summer thus far!  I love riding the bicycle, sometimes going 30 miles or more on a ride, or tackling some big hills here in the city. I got an A in the winter class, and started the condensed, fast moving summer class. It shouldn't be too much of a problem.   Just this one and two more....! But I know really I am empty inside. I have no friends, no significant other.  It's hopeless. I haven't changed much over the last 20 years. The same things that bothered me then bother me now. Of course there are differences - and changes for the better, I would like to think.  But I still have the same faults, make the same mistakes when it comes to people, and still have the same anxieties about socializing and being the center of attention. That's all I care to say now. I care about those things, but DON'T care, at the same time. Mastodon is dominating the chart this month! Next month, they may strike with another single from the very good a...

Late this month with an entry. YAY for Alice in Chains.  This is probably the last song from the album "The Devil Put Dinosaurs Here" that will chart.  Creepy song, in a way.  I must say that I do not mind DuVall - in fact, I like Alice in Chains only slightly less than I did with the immortal Layne Staley.  If you read the comments at youtube, you might hear some people so steadfast in how this is a corrupted version of Alice in Chains or something.  That is ridiculous.  Sure, you can't replace Layne Staley....or can you? For those of us that were moved or comforted or BROUGHT TO A FRENZY!!! by their music with Layne, well OK, those songs mean a lot. That sound - those evil vocal harmonies, Jerry's excellent guitar playing, either in blistering songs like "Them Bones" or intoxicatingly beautiful ones like "Rotten Apple"....it all was amazing, amazing, amazing. But they don't suck, exactly, not by a longshot.  Their most recent album has g...

Autumn descends on us. The nights are chilly.  I love this time of year.  I generally do not like winter, but do like autumn and in more recent years, summer.  Spring is tough because its generally rainy, humid, and how do you dress comfortably in those months?   It's cold in the morning and much warmer in the mid-day and afternoon. Yea, that's very interesting - my talking about the weather. I am listening to a posting at The Demoniacal, a website that collects and blogs daily different videos and articles on the paranormal, UFOs, and the like.  The current entry is a podcast where Bob Cranmer is interviewed.  He was a former county commissioner in Pennsylvania, and recently released a book about his family's haunting.  Listening to the guy is startling - he firmly believes this and explains the situations so matter of factly.  Maybe I should mention things in the world that are greater than my stupid little world and my problems...

Happy New Year!!!!!!!!!....I guess. I thought about 10 months ago things were looking up. Nothing has changed since, well, I was a kid. My life is lonely, full of ambition but without execution, full of fear and anxiety... It's not a totally horrible existence, but just frustrating because my mind reaches for things - the arts, love, excitement, contentness, but all those always seem beyond my reach, and it could be my own doing. Or rather, my own limitations (from said fear, anxiety, etc.). I'm tired. Just mentally tired. I know, I know, there are people in the world who suffer REAL fear - for their lives, on a daily basis. They don't have potable water, sufficient food, etc. I do feel for people in that situation. NONE of those luxuries do I ever take for granted. I always thank God for those. But I will always feel incomplete. DAMN! I just checked what I wrote a year ago, in January of 2010 - pretty much the same. I should spare my massive audience any more of my mala...

February is behind us - endless snow, snow, snow. Wamer weather, and hopefully, happier times, are on the way. I am so utterly alone its ridiculous. I've tried everything, but I can't forge friendships. I'd like a place to go, to visit. People to enjoy being around. I'm so lost it's pathetic. I heard Alberta Cross' song on digital cable. It blew me away. I love guitar effects, in ANY genre - if its a effect, it will move me! I checked out some of their other songs on youtube.com - they are good. In a different era, they'd be stars by now. But with the saturation of media, they are lost in the jumble, I think. I didn't make a mistake - both the March 2000 and 2009 charts were identical to their respective Februarys. MARCH 2010 1. "Jars", by Chevelle 1, 1, 4 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bV-L24ZaPrY 2. "Private Hell" by ALice in Chains 2, 2, 3 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PfAXr4RZPE0 3. "ATX", by Alberta Cross -, 3, 1 http:...