My Top 5 Songs

This is late. And this is the first time I will have typed anything in a posting since I dunno when. It is 2018.  I am doing OK. I have not had my usual seasonal affective disorder (my diagnosis), but then again I am so constantly uninspired and glum that there would be no difference, dark cloudy cold days or not. One notable thing is that unlike every holiday season since I could remember, I was not eager to get laid.  I mean, EVERY November through January, for decades, your boy was horny as a horny toad.   2016 was especially a whore fest.  Last year at this time, I had some experiences but they were not spectacular.  This year...hmm, no real desire. It's too much work to try to hook up.   Music keeps me going.  I really am enjoying listening to Dinosoul.  There are other newly found songs I have saved to youtube.  I don't make a habit of listening to music much (for months, now), hence the slow moving charts.   It ...

Just like last year, I am two weeks late for March's Top 5 entry.   I read what I wrote last  year - it makes me sad.  I haven't changed much since then. I know what it is - it's the stress of school.   I work very hard in my graduate classes (I am two months from graduating!) and its kept me from a lot of social contact.  Not that that would make me a happy person, but it helps soften my periods of depression, and gives me inner strength.  I am so busy this weekend (as I will be until this fucking class is over), so I will leave it at that. We'll see how I adjust to post-school life at the end of May!  I will be free of school and its worries for the first time in about 5 years.  And, I will be in a good living situation (the apartment), and with a job that is tolerable (for the most part)....all in all, a situation where all departments of my life are at least acceptable, for the first time since probably around 1991 - seriously, tha...

Another new year.   I am...indifferent.  I just don't emote much - I don't get excited, nor dejected. I just go with the flow.  I miss having EMOTION - being angry, happy, jubilant, or downcast - either a positive or negative emotion.  It doesn't matter - that was LIFE. I'm slowing down in my old age. haha. I'm sorry the song "Bear Hands" did not last long in the Top 5. I hope I don't forget it forever and never revisit the song. The new entry this month is one of those flukes:  a song from an artist I normally wouldn't like too much...but for whatever reason, I heard a song by chance, on a day I was more receptive to dance music, and it stuck in my head.  I love the Chainsmokers Remix of "Habits".  I checked out other songs by Tove Lo, the Swedish pop star.  She's OK, but it is just not my cup of tea. "Splice" is just an intoxicatingly beautiful song. There is not much else to say that I stated last month.  Geoff ...

Very late this month.  The chart movements are true to where they would be had the chart been completed at the beginning of this month. School ended - it was a difficult semester. There were A LOT of hours spent trying to complete assignments, tests, and projects.  At the end of it all, I did not complete the final four homeworks - I just was so far behind that I could not get to those chapters.  The final test was BASED ON THOSE CHAPTERS, though - so I was working on the exam as I was seeing the material for the first time. I thought I did very well on the exam.   But...through some misunderstanding that will hopefully be cleared up, the test was not counted (in effect, a ZERO), which killed my grade and gave me a D! This is wrong - I hope to set straight this situation, which is too complex to explain here. Needless to say, I have been under stress waiting for the instructor to get his mind off vacation mode and act on correcting what he thinks is a late exam...

Contentment of November turns to complacency.  I am not motivated to do much except keep up with my class. I just can't adapt to middle age. I don't feel I'm in 'my place'. I had NEVER felt that way - never comfortable in my own skin. Frankly I am sick of 'hearing' myself as I type this shit for what now?  The last two years or so?  There is little point, it seems, to continue this way.  Hey, I am not ungrateful for what I have - running water, indoor plumbing, a roof over my head, knowing I (probably) won't get shot by a sniper like some poor person in Syria or something. Yes, I am fully aware of the torment a lot of people go through daily just to stay alive, let alone be happy. But it's hard to explain how overwhelming frustration and sadness are. Music.....Geoff Tate's Queensryche hits the top spot!  Pretty good album. The haters (and Tate has a lot on youtube!) can hate - its a great song, it really is. I think the guitar solo was done...