My Top 5 Songs

Ain't no cure for the summertime blues. I am still in a very anxious state.  I hate my job, but really, do I want to start AGAIN at my age?  I don't belong anywhere.  I am so alone in this world. JULY 2017 1.   "Show Yourself", by Mastodon  2, 1, 2 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gUGda7GdZPQ 2.  "Moth Into Flame", by Metallica 1, 1, 4 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4tdKl-gTpZg 3. "Nimble Bastard", by Incubus -, 3, 1 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9foq4RPR_70 4. "My Name is Human", by Highly Suspect 4, 4, 2 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l5-gja10qkw 5.  "Feel Alive", by Red-Sided Garter Snakes 5, 5, 4 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qysnVcbA-c4 JULY 2016 1.  "Cirice", by Ghost 1, 1, 3 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-0Ao4t_fe0I 2. "Shock Me", by Baroness -, 2, 1 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hS5osAdTnm0 3. "Ember City", by Mastodon -, 3, 1 https://www.yout...

Late again.  I am depressed.  Again.  I just have had it.  I am big whiny dick, I know.  There are people suffering in this world.  I can't understand why in my head this is so overwhelming that I feel like total shit, making me want to be alone, and to not live anymore.  I just have a very tired feeling inside. Nothing brings me joy.  I am dead again inside. JUNE 2017 1.  "Moth Into Flame", by Metallica 2, 1, 3 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4tdKl-gTpZg 2. "Show Yourself", by Mastodon -, 2, 1 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gUGda7GdZPQ 3. " Phantom Bride", by Deftones 1, 1,  4 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xSycaeY7qi4 4. "My Name is Human", by Highly Suspect -, 4, 1 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l5-gja10qkw 5.  "Feel Alive", by Red-Sided Garter Snakes 5, 5, 3 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qysnVcbA-c4 JUNE 2016 1.  "Cirice", by Ghost 2, 1, 2 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-0Ao4t_fe0I ...

I did not write anything last month because I did not care to.  So strange - as if I am writing FOR someone.  Really, this who thing, aside from my deep love of music, is therapeutic for me.  As if just writing out my feelings would help. I don't know if I've been helped.  All I can say is I am still thrilled that I am out of graduate school, almost for a year now.  As usual, the seasonal affective disorder (my diagnosis) hit this last winter, making me  miserable and glum on a daily basis. I have been working out, having lost weight, and feeling good mentally as well as physically. I have a second job a few hours a week to keep me busy and keep my mind off of deep introspection that usually results in suicidal fantasies.   I haven't pursued anonymous sex like last year.  I don't know if the drive is gone since I'm a year older, or if it has more to do with my crazy mind. I have branched out a little to get involved in various things,...

APRIL 2017 1. " Phantom Bride", by Deftones 1, 1,  2 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xSycaeY7qi4 2.  "Don't Let Me Down", by Chainsmokers featuring Daya 2, 1, 6 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Io0fBr1XBUA 3. "Moth Into Flame", by Metallica -, 3, 1 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4tdKl-gTpZg 4.  "Mountain at My Gates", by Foals 3, 2, 4  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l_EIE5f2t6M 5.  "Feel Alive", by Red-Sided Garter Snakes -, 5, 1 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qysnVcbA-c4 APRIL 2016 1.  "Vanishing Man", by The Church 1, 1, 6 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ul13hip5LOM 2.  "Tread Lightly", by Mastodon 4, 2, 3 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ja8cXdo5fA 3. "Come a Little Closer", by Cage the Elephant 2, 2, 5 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KVYup3Qwh8Q 4. "Sick Like Me", by In This Moment, 4, 4, 2 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=03X0B6u-AxM&list=RD03X0B6u-AxM ...

MARCH 2017 1. " Phantom Bride", by Deftones -, 1, 1 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xSycaeY7qi4 2.  "Don't Let Me Down", by Chainsmokers featuring Daya 1, 1, 5 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Io0fBr1XBUA 3.  "Mountain at My Gates", by Foals 2, 2, 3  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l_EIE5f2t6M 4.  "Also Am I", by 36 Crazyfists 3, 1, 8 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dLkm-Bpkgv4 5.  "Joyride", by Chevelle 5, 4, 4 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=710aT-Uj_7c MARCH 2016 1.  "Vanishing Man", by The Church 1, 1, 5 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ul13hip5LOM 2. "Come a Little Closer", by Cage the Elephant 2, 2, 4 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KVYup3Qwh8Q 3. "Tread Lightly", by Mastodon 4, 3, 2 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ja8cXdo5fA 4. "Sick Like Me", by In This Moment, -, 4, 1 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=03X0B6u-AxM&list=RD03X0B6u-AxM 5.  "Wildfire...

FEBRUARY 2017 1.  "Don't Let Me Down", by Chainsmokers featuring Daya 1, 1, 4 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Io0fBr1XBUA 2.  "Mountain at My Gates", by Foals 3, 2, 2  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l_EIE5f2t6M 3.  "Also Am I", by 36 Crazyfists 2, 1, 7 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dLkm-Bpkgv4 5.  "Joyride", by Chevelle 5, 4, 3 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=710aT-Uj_7c 4.  "Shock Me", by Baroness 3, 1, 9 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hS5osAdTnm0 FEBRUARY 2016 1.  "Vanishing Man", by The Church 1, 1, 4 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ul13hip5LOM 2. "Come a Little Closer", by Cage the Elephant 3, 2, 3 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KVYup3Qwh8Q 3.  "Wildfire", by Borgeous 2, 1, 7 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gmZI7xFisHA 4. "Tread Lightly", by Mastodon -, 4, 1 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ja8cXdo5fA 5.  "Take Out the Gunman", by Chevelle 5...

OK, I am late this month.  My motivation took a dive.  I have been hampered with a partially torn bicep, and a cold that isn't really a cold anymore more than just a disgusting, steady stream of nasal drip from the inside of my fat head into my throat. On that note, I continue.  First let me say formatting this stupid blog is a disaster.  Why other fonts become current just after starting a new paragraph is beyond me.  I understand hidden, non-visible coding that may exist, like it does in Word, but I swear I correct that by deleting blank lines...only to have these return. It's a new year.  The charts are slow moving, stagnant, and non-inspiring.  That may change as a slew of new songs makes their way into my youtube favorites. But it may not matter... ...I think I am heading to the end here.  I am just fed up, but as always, I am not sure what I am fed up WITH. I have working arms, legs, a safe living environment. I am not in poverty, and...