My Top 5 Songs

Contentment of November turns to complacency.  I am not motivated to do much except keep up with my class. I just can't adapt to middle age. I don't feel I'm in 'my place'. I had NEVER felt that way - never comfortable in my own skin. Frankly I am sick of 'hearing' myself as I type this shit for what now?  The last two years or so?  There is little point, it seems, to continue this way.  Hey, I am not ungrateful for what I have - running water, indoor plumbing, a roof over my head, knowing I (probably) won't get shot by a sniper like some poor person in Syria or something. Yes, I am fully aware of the torment a lot of people go through daily just to stay alive, let alone be happy. But it's hard to explain how overwhelming frustration and sadness are. Music.....Geoff Tate's Queensryche hits the top spot!  Pretty good album. The haters (and Tate has a lot on youtube!) can hate - its a great song, it really is. I think the guitar solo was done...

Late again.  November is a weird month for me for various reasons too boring to state. I love it, though.  It is the advent of the holiday seasons.  If I'm in school (which is most of my life, it seems), I can see the light at the end of the semester tunnel. Things are going so well that I can't help but think of ways to sabotage everything.  No, really, I think of cutting myself off from some friends.  Abruptly quitting my job.  I mean, ANYTHING, even suicide, anything that will hurt someone and make them feel bad.  A part of me would enjoy that, even though the 'whole' of me would not. Weird, I know.  It's like I can't just enjoy being....happy.  Content.  Comfortable in a success that I have created for myself. I need despair, conflict, sadnesss....This is just honesty here. I realize this problem.  I do not know why I HAVE this problem, though, nor how to let it go. I have a suspicion, though.  One reason my mind wo...

This month's is very late. Next week it will have to be updated again. Two new entries, from bands I had previously never heard of, and will probably not hear from again!  In any case, the new entries are great, uplifting, dare i say 'joyous' rock songs. Radiana is holding on to a very respectable showing. I think it was #1 for just a week, but let's face it - ANY artist covets a showing in my Top 5.  FACT! "Aunt Betty" is one of those songs with a very heavy rhythm and perhaps vocals I find poignant that just dominate. An example of that might be Stone Temple Pilots' "Trippin' on a Hole in a Paper Heart", which was on the charts for EIGHT months. I love that chorus "I am I am I am myself - I'm not dead but I'm not for sale....". I am numb again, lately - some place between happiness in life but teetering on depression. Same old same old, but I guess I'll take this rather than the byproducts of actually being dep...

It was a fun summer. Half way through, I got into a new apartment. I like the new pad very much. I rode my bike a lot, doing hills, too, and I lost a few pounds. I have more energy, and can do some hills with such ease now. All in all, a happy time for Mr. Poopy Head (me).  The school semester started. I am optimistic since this class should pose little difficulty. I am still so alone, though. I guess this is what I'm comfortable being - alone, so that is why I shy away from knowing someone, or more than one, a little better. I don't like personal get-togethers, I guess because I think I will bore someone, or have nothing to say. It's all anxiety. Football season has started!  Autumn approacheth!  Me happy on different levels, with little to complain about except for lack of affection, either friendship-wise, or of a more personal nature. Oh well..... Not much of a change with the Top 5.  I have a TON of current songs saved to a playlist, but can't get arou...

The summer cometh to a close.  It was, well, interesting. I hope to break away for a week in September for vacation. It turns out I have a part in an independent movie (nothing groundbreaking - a 10-minute film) that will require travel a few hours away.  So it's not a 'true' vacation, but still, I will rent a car for the week and I'm guessing will be able to see places in the evening, if/when shooting is done for the day. Things are going OK upstairs in my head. I feel good - I am being very proactive in advancing my guitar skills. The thing is continuing for MONTHS AND MONTHS to really get some impressive aptitude - impressive for MY standards!  I will never be great at guitar.  But I want to create songs, SAY something in them, and write and play music some people will love. Chocolate + peanut butter is just the most evil concoction - can anyone eat ONE Reese's Peanut Butter cup? They are amazingly delicious! That is all.... Music....I am really digging ...

This month's post is VERY late.  I had to move more suddenly than I anticipated.  The predictable lack of inaccessibility to the internet took hold, and a couple of weeks slipped by, and there you have it - a late Top 5 installment for my hordes of hungry readers... ... Haha!  What readers!?! Well, summer rolls on. I am enjoying it, but always, as usual, sad about...something, whatever it may be. First things first:  the reason I moved.  On a Sunday night in late June, I heard strange noises in my ceiling. In most areas of the previous apartment, the ceiling was a 'drop' ceiling, built of suspended tiles. I heard something weird in the bathroom - and there I saw a ceiling tile partially removed from the framing. I pushed it back up, then heard a small squealing.  "It's a dog outside", I tried to convince myself. So these unusual sounds continued, and I followed them to a nearby area, where another tile was not fully closed (this was/is an old apar...

*SiGH*  Ups and downs, as usual. I could be doing pretty well for about a week, then everything - my optimism, self-confidence, and general outlook on life, come crashing down into a negative posture. If there are new things to try, there's hope. It's like buying time. If I didn't have this false hope, I would fall into depression like in years past.  I don't care. Who reads this stupid blog? I fucking hate my dumb life. JUNE 2013 1. "Diamonds", by Rihanna 1, 1,4 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lWA2pjMjpBs 2. "Can't Get Better Than This", by Parachute Youth 2, 2, 5 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AHC302BjEhY 3. "Bride of Infinity", by Blondie 3, 3, 3 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WIIf-Qo8XJo 4. "Glass Mountain", by Radiana -,4,1 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SL4gIiuCB-A 5. "Live to Rise", by Soundgarden 5, 5, 2 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D3ZNtOcY_1A JUNE 2012 1. "The Sound of Winter"...