My Top 5 Songs

What a year. It's almost over. I don't know what to ponder, or how to label 2012.  It was overall good, I guess. I found full-time work in my career field (sort of, but it will do). I completed a graduate level course and got an A- (whew...it took A LOT of work).  I got word that I was accepted into grad school for 2013. And, so far, I still have my good health, my safety, my sight (even though it's getting worse!).... I am used to being alone, though.  I haven't been intimate with someone in about 2 years now!  I haven't kissed anyone passionately in that time, too. It would be nice to find that special someone, but oh well. There isn't much change in this month's Top 5.  What's notable is another entry from Blondie. "Sleeping Giant" is a song that didn't make the cut for their recent "Panic of Girls" album. WHY!?! "Panic" is the best of their last three albums (the post-reunion era), and it is actually decent, co...

Home stretch for 2012...November already. Wow. I love the autumn, but I pretend in November...I pretend that I forget this is the month of my birthday. I don't really acknowledge it, nor do I like anyone else to make the slightest deal about it.  I think about it for a second or two, then put it out of my mind. This is because of the constant frustration I experience, year after year. It is my own fault, but I am just not happy - or, if I am, it's not for long. I am just an unhappy person. And lonely. Tim Hecker's instrumental is #1 again - just unchallenged, since I find a lot of entertainment in atmospheric music lately. There are two new entries - songs that are months old, that I have been enjoying, but finally boiled over into the Top 5. I like this month's top 5 - it would make a good mini-playlist on an I-pod. NOVEMBER 2012 1. "In the Fog, Part I/II/III", by Tim Hecker 1, 1, 6 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ytQLA77X6Qw 2. "Irresistabl...

I haven't really been able to enjoy music much lately, and therefore again this month there is little change to the Top 5.  A new entry is "Irresistable Force", by Jane's Addiction - a song that probably should have broken the chart last month.  My mind is just not on music a lot lately. That is my treasure, my escape, my solace - enjoyment of music.  I will get back into it soon enough, I hope! OCTOBER 2012 1. "In the Fog, Part I/II/III", by Tim Hecker 1, 1, 5 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ytQLA77X6Qw 2.  "End to the Lies", by Jane's Addiction 2, 1, 7 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nIFcc0OzMHQ 3.  "Le Bleu", by Blondie 3, 2, 4 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RX82nEHV75o 4. "Irresistable Force", by Jane's Addiction -, 4, 1 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rVOi5Hdbd7Q 5. "The Sound of Winter", by Bush 5, 1, 9 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vi06TWlKeHc OCTOBER 2011 1. "D-Day", by Bl...

I'm very late this month.  I have been very busy trying to hustle acting gigs, and getting music together, as well as tending to family engagements (Labor Day, birthday parties, weddings, etc., etc., etc.). I don't have much to say, except I think my life is meant to be sabotaged by people's misery.  I always find myself dragged down into the pits of despair of those I love. I see it as doing my duty out of love and loyalty.   Here's the thing - none of them ever support my in my endeavors to enrich my life, enjoy my life, try different things, and so forth - all to try to make contentment if not happiness IN this life.  Hardly one word of encouragement....just blank stares...as if they might be thinking "oh look at you, mr. show off", or "im glad you are happy and it's too bad i cant be happy, too", or "wait - you try things outside your comfort zone of depression and isolation...i dont even know you anymore!!!" I listen to the glo...

A little late again, but it's OK. Wow - I read the entry from a year ago and I'm glad I have moved on a bit from the constant malaise.  Things have gotten better - it took work, though.  I like who I am, for the most part. My job (a "REAL" job, and in my field of study) is going pretty well, six months in.  I have disposable income, so I can enjoy things I might not have been able to for the prior 3 years! And, I'm in love - again.  Well, not 'again', because I never really stopped loving this person..... ....but we are not together. I don't know if we will ever be. What I will say is that this person is very nice, very sweet, with a big heart. Like me, this person sees things bigger than the individual - god(s), nature, everything. I like that. Our religions/spiritual perspectives converge, but then seriously diverge at times. Our lifestyles couldn't be more different. Our discussions about anything - politics, the world in general - are int...

'Sweatin' to the oldies', one might say in these dog days of summer. 'Sweatin'" was an aerobics/exercise routine from maybe 10 years ago.  Anyway, yea, this is one hot summer, and we are barely into it. Recently I completed a small part in a movie, and I acted in a play.  For the former - fun, and I was lucky enough to use the day on set to cement some acquaintanceships - well, they can't call them 'friendships' exactly, and I doubt they were 'cemented'.  but I saw movie crew I had worked with in the past. That's a good thing, because they might keep me in mind for future roles. For the latter - the play - well, that was OK. Good and bad. Mostly negative - this was a dinky play that wasn't even very good.  Some of the people were so hard to deal with. They were always stressed, curt, and swearing.....it's ok, it was decent acting experience, although a small role (as usual). I have an audition coming up for a one act play. ...

Are we halfway over with 2012 already? I kicked ass in my graduate class - an "A-".  Hey, I don't care if that "-" taints the glory of such a good grade. It's not a "C" (my standard in life), and higher than even a B+.   I worked so hard on the homework and got excellent grades on that part of the course.  The two mid-terms were disappointing, but I probably got close to 100% on the final exam, hence my surfing forward to the A- in the final week of the term. thank you, yes, thank you. please, stop all the applause, you're embarrassing me! Things are going well in life. I am in the midst of a play, I did one scene in another independent film, and the new full-time job (about 3 months in by now) is not too bad. I'm still in love but of course I am not with that person. We speak, and it's painful to be connected with our mutual love but separated because of a number of other reasons. I just never deal with this - instead of 'm...