My Top 5 Songs

HAPPY NEW YEAR! I can't allow myself to ramble the same things I said in 2010 and 2011. I had a few ideas about how to express myself here, but after a glance at my 2010 and 2011 January posts, I decided to spare myself the monotony. I'm just lonely, and living an unrewarding life. Don't preach, or give advice. I am simply a miserable person, trapped in this life. It's not my own choice, really. I would like nothing more for contentment and satisfaction, but there is something much more at play here. Who knows exactly what it is. Well, one thing could be that I just let the world (and people) get me down. No, I don't LET that happen, but it does. "Thin-skinned" might be the proper term. So sue me, that is how I am - overly sensitive. I can't help it. Music is everything to me. How someone can take an idea, concept, or just a casual fiddling around and create a song to me is amazing. Lately I've been interested in Tool, even though back in the da...

The most wonderful time of the year! ... Or so it's been sung! Christmas is weird. I'll probably ramble and repeate what I wrote last year, so I won't wax philosophic on this holiday. It's a beautiful holiday in a way, because it is believed that this is the celebration of a divine power becoming part of the earth's civilization. Crazy fascinating, if you think about it. So here we go....Blondie and Queensryche both had songs dropping out, but the two new entries are from their respective, recent albums. Good to see the old folks making their mark! How Theophilus London's song isn't HUGE is beyond me. It's a great song that traverses several genres! DECEMBER 2011 1. "Open the Door", by Implodes 1, 1, 2 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RED_55Q6O3I 2. "Last Name London", by Theophilus London 3, 2, 2 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vFJ9doyaMUs&ob=av2e 3. "Winter Harvest", by The Accident Experiment 2, 2, 5 http://www.youtube....

New digs! I still have to fix up the new place, and put all this stuff away (I've been here over a week now!), but I love it! It's a bit more expensive, but with only electric to pay - no gas, no nothing else. It's convenient, and closer to everything (saving on gasoline). The neighborhood is one of the better ones in this city. I feel so good about everything! I got my 3 jobs and one graduate class under control (for now!), and I think I can stay on top of everything until the end of the semester - and hopefully pull an A in the class. Musically, there is a lot going on. There are good bands out there, a lot of creative music I hear, even within the pop mainstream. I think Lady Gaga sucks, but then I always thought the pop divas did, even Madonna. Without video, a lot of sexual innuendo or just exposed skin, and a hint of scandal, there is little else for the music to stand on. Her stuff in particular isn't even that good for dance/club/house whatever genre you ca...

I feel old. And, anachronistic. I just am so full of anxiety as I feel so out of place, anywhere. But I've always felt like that, ever since I can remember. I live like I'm in my 20s, in a way. I think the silliest things are funny. Any (few) 'friends' I DO have are in their 20s. I just can't get a grip on who I am, what I want to do with my life, where I'm going, and everything else. I'm a middle aged nothing loser...I just can't cope anymore with anxiety, depression, and stress. What makes me happy? Music does, I guess. My acting might, although the opportunities have dried up, and I've actually gotten to be a worse actor, because of my nervousness and self-consciousness. Yea - I mean, I was getting better, had impressed a few people, but then the last 3 auditions sucked lemons. I got into acting to get OVER this shit, and ive slid backwards into the pit of low-esteem. I dont want to see summer 2012. I dont want to be around by that time. I just ...

Late again, this month...the Top 5 should be posted within the first weekend of the month. September flies by, and many changes have taken place for me this year. Different siutations, and in some cases, the same old situations because I have habits or a way of living that will never change, I guess. My sadness comes and goes. I have a feeling of despair as I returned to school where I did my undergrad - a place I loathed and for which I have few fond feelings. I had thought that this time, I can MAKE it great, be PROACTIVE in enjoying my time there as I try to better myself and my life situation with advanced education. I'm not hopeless that that will happen. What I am scared of, as always, is MYSELF. I am my own worst enemy, with my laziness, procrastination, pessimism, and lack of motivation. I hate me sometimes. This month's Top 5 is rather strange. Compared to past years, it is very much NOT a dark selection (what with Godsmack, Disturbed, Linkin Park, etc.). Interesting....

Here I am again. August, 2011. I can't believe I've made it to the halfway point of 2011. If you woulda asked me back in, say, 1985 that I would see the 21st century, I'd say "nah, hopefully I would kill myself long before that!". Long story short - i've stuck it out in this shitty life and im now officially middle aged. yes, middle aged and people still treat me like a kid. Why do I even bother waxing about it? I'm sick of hearing in my head my words here. I should just do it, for pete's sake. End it. I just don't want to destroy my parents lives. So I have to wait until they pass first. *eye roll* I am so frustrated with everything i do, everything i try, everyone i know. I feel so alone, even amongst people with whom i SHOULDNT be alone. im a mess - its all internal. its all me. I love "new low". blondie is back with another studio album (their ninth); this is the third since their "reunion" (which didnt inclu...

Is 2011 flying along or what? Father Time is in a hurry to usher us all to our demise in 2012, I suppose. ha. I have to minimize the negativity in my life. I've realized that for many, many years, I've been a little hard on myself - all this negativity isn't TOTALLY due to myself. It has a lot to do with other people. For some reason, I gravitate to negativity and negative people. So in a way, it's my doing, but sometimes you can't help but be affected by the negativity that spews from people you have to associate with. That's a very simplified explanation. What an interesting month for the Top 5! TWO new entries - how refreshing! Adele kicked butt but her songs are waning. Very respectable for her. BLONDIE is back with their best album since their reunion (well, thats not sayin much). They still have a bit of fluff on the new CD, but the songs arent bad. I'd say there are no less than 3 possible hits on the CD - not that they'll be hits, but they a...