OCTOBER 2011

I feel old. And, anachronistic. I just am so full of anxiety as I feel so out of place, anywhere. But I've always felt like that, ever since I can remember. I live like I'm in my 20s, in a way. I think the silliest things are funny. Any (few) 'friends' I DO have are in their 20s. I just can't get a grip on who I am, what I want to do with my life, where I'm going, and everything else.

I'm a middle aged nothing loser...I just can't cope anymore with anxiety, depression, and stress. What makes me happy? Music does, I guess. My acting might, although the opportunities have dried up, and I've actually gotten to be a worse actor, because of my nervousness and self-consciousness. Yea - I mean, I was getting better, had impressed a few people, but then the last 3 auditions sucked lemons. I got into acting to get OVER this shit, and ive slid backwards into the pit of low-esteem.

I dont want to see summer 2012. I dont want to be around by that time. I just dont.

yay, blondie, i guess. their first number one on my charts.



OCTOBER 2011
1. "D-Day", by Blondie 2, 1, 4
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u92zq-s4pxs

2. "A Crime", by Sharon van Etten 3, 2, 4
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7UHoXqlUqLk&feature=related

3. "Mirame", by Blondie 5, 3, 2
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ob5aQdLQZBQ

4. "Winter Harvest", by The Accident Experiment 4, 4, 3
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XhgRnN7ZZ3o

5. "Drive", by Queensryche -, 5, 1
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ocdHJDNjF-w


OCTOBER 2010
1. "Good Day to Die", by Godsmack 1, 1, 3
2. "Letter from a Thief", by Chevelle 3, 2, 4
3. "Crying Like a Bitch", by Godsmack 2, 1, 5
4. "1901", by Phoenix 4, 2, 6
5. "It's Your Decision", by Alice in Chains 5, 1, 7


OCTOBER 2001
1. "Down With the Sickness", by Disturbed
2. "Greed", by Godsmack
3. "Smooth Criminal", by Alien Ant Farm
4. "Schism", by Tool
5. "Butterfly", by Crazy Town

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