My Top 5 Songs

I did not write anything last month because I did not care to.  So strange - as if I am writing FOR someone.  Really, this who thing, aside from my deep love of music, is therapeutic for me.  As if just writing out my feelings would help. I don't know if I've been helped.  All I can say is I am still thrilled that I am out of graduate school, almost for a year now.  As usual, the seasonal affective disorder (my diagnosis) hit this last winter, making me  miserable and glum on a daily basis. I have been working out, having lost weight, and feeling good mentally as well as physically. I have a second job a few hours a week to keep me busy and keep my mind off of deep introspection that usually results in suicidal fantasies.   I haven't pursued anonymous sex like last year.  I don't know if the drive is gone since I'm a year older, or if it has more to do with my crazy mind. I have branched out a little to get involved in various things,...

APRIL 2017 1. " Phantom Bride", by Deftones 1, 1,  2 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xSycaeY7qi4 2.  "Don't Let Me Down", by Chainsmokers featuring Daya 2, 1, 6 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Io0fBr1XBUA 3. "Moth Into Flame", by Metallica -, 3, 1 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4tdKl-gTpZg 4.  "Mountain at My Gates", by Foals 3, 2, 4  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l_EIE5f2t6M 5.  "Feel Alive", by Red-Sided Garter Snakes -, 5, 1 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qysnVcbA-c4 APRIL 2016 1.  "Vanishing Man", by The Church 1, 1, 6 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ul13hip5LOM 2.  "Tread Lightly", by Mastodon 4, 2, 3 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ja8cXdo5fA 3. "Come a Little Closer", by Cage the Elephant 2, 2, 5 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KVYup3Qwh8Q 4. "Sick Like Me", by In This Moment, 4, 4, 2 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=03X0B6u-AxM&list=RD03X0B6u-AxM ...

MARCH 2017 1. " Phantom Bride", by Deftones -, 1, 1 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xSycaeY7qi4 2.  "Don't Let Me Down", by Chainsmokers featuring Daya 1, 1, 5 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Io0fBr1XBUA 3.  "Mountain at My Gates", by Foals 2, 2, 3  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l_EIE5f2t6M 4.  "Also Am I", by 36 Crazyfists 3, 1, 8 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dLkm-Bpkgv4 5.  "Joyride", by Chevelle 5, 4, 4 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=710aT-Uj_7c MARCH 2016 1.  "Vanishing Man", by The Church 1, 1, 5 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ul13hip5LOM 2. "Come a Little Closer", by Cage the Elephant 2, 2, 4 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KVYup3Qwh8Q 3. "Tread Lightly", by Mastodon 4, 3, 2 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ja8cXdo5fA 4. "Sick Like Me", by In This Moment, -, 4, 1 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=03X0B6u-AxM&list=RD03X0B6u-AxM 5.  "Wildfire...

FEBRUARY 2017 1.  "Don't Let Me Down", by Chainsmokers featuring Daya 1, 1, 4 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Io0fBr1XBUA 2.  "Mountain at My Gates", by Foals 3, 2, 2  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l_EIE5f2t6M 3.  "Also Am I", by 36 Crazyfists 2, 1, 7 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dLkm-Bpkgv4 5.  "Joyride", by Chevelle 5, 4, 3 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=710aT-Uj_7c 4.  "Shock Me", by Baroness 3, 1, 9 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hS5osAdTnm0 FEBRUARY 2016 1.  "Vanishing Man", by The Church 1, 1, 4 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ul13hip5LOM 2. "Come a Little Closer", by Cage the Elephant 3, 2, 3 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KVYup3Qwh8Q 3.  "Wildfire", by Borgeous 2, 1, 7 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gmZI7xFisHA 4. "Tread Lightly", by Mastodon -, 4, 1 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ja8cXdo5fA 5.  "Take Out the Gunman", by Chevelle 5...

OK, I am late this month.  My motivation took a dive.  I have been hampered with a partially torn bicep, and a cold that isn't really a cold anymore more than just a disgusting, steady stream of nasal drip from the inside of my fat head into my throat. On that note, I continue.  First let me say formatting this stupid blog is a disaster.  Why other fonts become current just after starting a new paragraph is beyond me.  I understand hidden, non-visible coding that may exist, like it does in Word, but I swear I correct that by deleting blank lines...only to have these return. It's a new year.  The charts are slow moving, stagnant, and non-inspiring.  That may change as a slew of new songs makes their way into my youtube favorites. But it may not matter... ...I think I am heading to the end here.  I am just fed up, but as always, I am not sure what I am fed up WITH. I have working arms, legs, a safe living environment. I am not in poverty, and...

" 'Tis the season"...for what, I don't know.  Another holiday season.  BAH.  I just don't handle well this time of the year.  My emotions are thrown back and forth, from literally disgust and hatred one minute to beign infected with joy and a belief that good times are ahead. After something like 3 years of this stupid blog, all my readers (zero and counting) know I'm just a basket case by nature. I am feeling OK, actually.  I am doing well in social situations, saving money, making acquaintances, and letting things roll off my back after smoldering for a short time, instead of letting things fester and eat me alive. Well, like last year, I get very, very...."eager" for physical experiences.  This happens to me around Christmas time usually, going back to my teens.  I think because it's cold (which makes me want to get physically close to someone, I guess), and usually a festive time for most people...there really is not a good reason, I g...

Better late than never, as I lay here dying...from food asphyxiation/intoxication...in other words, it's Thanksgiving night and I am questioning my existence when feeling like shit from...eating.  I mean, a basic carbon life form function, and it makes me sick (not sick like I'm vomiting, but sick as in languid, tired, sleepy but not enough to sleep). It's a holiday - pass granted.  Diet starts tomorrow! Life continues, and is going well.  I still have the doldrums, but I guess I am doing what people need to do, in lieu of marriage and having children - expand your horizons, try out different things, stay busy.  The song from 36 Crazyfists hits #1.  A band I never heard of until this song, which is about 2 years old now.  I just never tired of it, and it remained on my youtube favorites, and when I tired of other songs, "Also Am I" got closer attention.  What a simply straighforward, kick ass song. The new entry is an EDM type song.  It h...