May 2018
I am at a strange peace. I went to church tonight, and as usual, my mind strayed for most of it. Sorry, but I have some kind of adult deficit disorder thing. At least I went. I do take spirituality seriously. I can honestly say I have my doubts ANYTHING about it is true, but at the same time, my mind finds justification about the existence of God. Hmmm...nah, will delve into it in a future posting, maybe. Well, I took a scalding hot shower after re-reading my previous month's post. Yes, with clear conscious I was involved in meaningless encounters, but I wince when I read what sounds like gloating about it. I probably will never have a long lasting, deep relationship. I think I've known this for over 2 decades. I just can't do it - I am damaged in a way and that is why marriage will never happen, I guess. But that in no way means a life is mis-used. You can still touch people deeply (I am restraining to make a frat boy comment here, ha!), and bring love to a co