My Top 5 Songs

Very late this month.  The chart movements are true to where they would be had the chart been completed at the beginning of this month. School ended - it was a difficult semester. There were A LOT of hours spent trying to complete assignments, tests, and projects.  At the end of it all, I did not complete the final four homeworks - I just was so far behind that I could not get to those chapters.  The final test was BASED ON THOSE CHAPTERS, though - so I was working on the exam as I was seeing the material for the first time. I thought I did very well on the exam.   But...through some misunderstanding that will hopefully be cleared up, the test was not counted (in effect, a ZERO), which killed my grade and gave me a D! This is wrong - I hope to set straight this situation, which is too complex to explain here. Needless to say, I have been under stress waiting for the instructor to get his mind off vacation mode and act on correcting what he thinks is a late exam (when it was NOT l

Happy November.  As usual, I am up and down with my mood and attitude. I welcome death. I am loving life. I want to be happy. Leave me the f* alone because I want to be alone...permanently. It's this way. It will always be this way. I want to cry - I am crazy, yet not crazy. Maybe I have some form of adult autism, the way Jerry Seinfeld recently described himself in an interview I saw on NBC news. The song by Monica Richards finally broke through, after being on my playlist for so long.  It's had stiff competition.  It's an amazing song. It sort of reminds me of Peter Murphy's later 80s song "Cuts You Up".  So beautiful, but so sad.  It almost makes me cry - no, I'm actually slightly crying now. So much angst and anxiety. Anyway, I suppose this will be the last I ever hear of Monica Richards. It's just one of those things.  Great song, though - absolutely beautiful. Huh, I barely even remember "Last Train Home" by Lost Proph

Late this month with an entry. YAY for Alice in Chains.  This is probably the last song from the album "The Devil Put Dinosaurs Here" that will chart.  Creepy song, in a way.  I must say that I do not mind DuVall - in fact, I like Alice in Chains only slightly less than I did with the immortal Layne Staley.  If you read the comments at youtube, you might hear some people so steadfast in how this is a corrupted version of Alice in Chains or something.  That is ridiculous.  Sure, you can't replace Layne Staley....or can you? For those of us that were moved or comforted or BROUGHT TO A FRENZY!!! by their music with Layne, well OK, those songs mean a lot. That sound - those evil vocal harmonies, Jerry's excellent guitar playing, either in blistering songs like "Them Bones" or intoxicatingly beautiful ones like "Rotten Apple"....it all was amazing, amazing, amazing. But they don't suck, exactly, not by a longshot.  Their most recent album has g

Autumn descends on us. The nights are chilly.  I love this time of year.  I generally do not like winter, but do like autumn and in more recent years, summer.  Spring is tough because its generally rainy, humid, and how do you dress comfortably in those months?   It's cold in the morning and much warmer in the mid-day and afternoon. Yea, that's very interesting - my talking about the weather. I am listening to a posting at The Demoniacal, a website that collects and blogs daily different videos and articles on the paranormal, UFOs, and the like.  The current entry is a podcast where Bob Cranmer is interviewed.  He was a former county commissioner in Pennsylvania, and recently released a book about his family's haunting.  Listening to the guy is startling - he firmly believes this and explains the situations so matter of factly.  Maybe I should mention things in the world that are greater than my stupid little world and my problems.  That way, a few years from now, wh

What a month.  I'm glad its over.  I completed a role in a movie.  I filmed one night for a small role in a web series - both of those projects were the week just prior to my final exam and the final project. Long story short - used 1 1/2 days of vacation for the film projects, got very little sleep the following week, and went almost crazy with worry about the final project. All ended well, though - I finished the final exam online tonight, in fact, finished the final project this morning at 1AM, and got an A in the class. I am feeling pretty good. I got a new chin-up bar and have resolved to eat better, and exercise more often.  My plan for being a rock star are put on hold....again.  Will that ever happen? haha. It's late. This is a week late. I'm free from school for 3 weeks, but I have to spend time studying old material in preparation for this upcoming class.  But I would like to get away for a couple days in August. Get some sun, relaxation, and different fac

I never was a summer time person.  I just never went to beaches, pools, etc.  I always thought people should not be so revealing, too, just because most were ugly.  The last summer that changed a bit.  And this summer, too.  I have been riding my bike for exercise in areas of the city I NEVER thought I would venture (on a bike).  It's an amazing feeling of liberty and mobility, free of charge, and without creating pollution.  And, this year, I actually have been wearing tank tops. I always thought I would look ridiculous in them because in my perspective, I had scrawny arms.  Well, I realized they aren't scrawny at all. Not that I'm a narcissist, but they are muscular enough not to look dorky in a tank top. This sounds ridiculous, but someone would have to understand the feeling of freedom this brings - to feel the wind and sun on areas of the body that hardly ever have had those feelings. To me, its a great feeling....of comfort, and in a way, freedom. I'm not qu

I had such a good summer last year. I can't bear to read my pathetic posts from the summer months of 2013, but I do remember getting a lot of bike riding in, if nothing else. I did not have a class (I will this summer, and the next), so I was rather carefree.  My personal issues were still there, though - no real friendships, lonliness, confusion about other things..... So thus far, I have enjoyed the good weather and managed to get out to the amusement park (a rarity for me).  I am continually frustrated that the person I love (I think) does not wish me to visit. Its about an hour + 10 minute drive.  Again and again, I am denied.  I haven't seen this person in TWO YEARS!  The whole thing is...complicated.  I just can't let go - I feel this person should be a part of my life, although it's been one big headache for the last 4 years - when we met. I did get the "B" I needed.  My next class is another bull sh--requirement - Communication or some crap like th

I haven't really enjoyed music this past month.  So there is no change to the chart positions. Right now I am just dying to see what grade I got. I took the final yesterday and it killed me. I really bombed it.  So I am a little worried that I might not get at least a B.  I am pretty sure I will get a B - I did the math and calculated my expected grade.  I just need to be sure. I'm burnt out.  Tomorrow I am acting in a show and I can't even think about it now. I have to practice some stuff tomorrow during the day. It's not about physical relaxation with me - its about MENTAL relaxation. MAY 2014 1. "Choke", by Alice in Chains 1, 1, 6 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IKXSHVuWE8w 2. "Phantom Limb", by Alice in Chains 2, 2, 4 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qQc8WsY-ZbA 3. "Bones", by Young Guns 3,3,2 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qk3vjIDuy9w 4. "Safe and Sound", by Capital Cities 4, 4, 5 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=

I'm very late for April.  It's...you guessed it....school. There are some weekends that are entirely consumed by schoolwork. Graduate school sucks. I will get straight to the music... "Choke" again at #1.  Alice in Chains. 'nuff said! I took to "Safe and Sound" at one time, but am so sick of that sugary 80s sound.  It's a fun song, but it's run its course.  "Bones" is a song that came out over two years ago!  I had it on my radar for quite a while. I never tired of it, even though it didn't have the strength to hit the top five. Well, it finally did! It's a bit haunting. It has a certain kick to it. It was ten years ago that one of my favorite bands of all-time, The Church started a 2 or 3 song run at the Top 5.  This was due in part that I saw them live in Alexandria, VA. I had a tremendous time and it was a great show. Had I not gone, I probably would never have realized they put out an album at that time.  "Fo

Wow - my first real cold in many, many years.  It's a pain - having so much homework, and WORK work, to do, and feeling unfocused, hungover (from the vapo-rub, and decongestants)...at least I don't have a raw, burning, sore throat. Hopefully this will go away in no time. It's been busy, mostly with school. My acting is fading - I went on a few auditions for plays and each time, did not give a great audition, exactly.  I have nothing lined up for acting, too. That's all I have to say, really. I've improved with time management and got a good hold on my workload for school.  But - with all the older people at work retiring, I may get crushed with responsibility there. Thank God for music - that is all I have to say right now. MARCH 2014 1. "Choke", by Alice in Chains 1, 1, 4 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IKXSHVuWE8w 2. "Running Backwards", by Geoff Tate's Queensryche 2, 2, 3 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rLneKWFvESk 3. "Pha

Very hate this month...next week another installment of the Top 5 Songs will be due!  Its OK, its fun for a couple reasons - I am REALLY, REALLY enjoying "The Devil Put Dinosaurs Here". As you can see, AIC has TWO songs now and they may go 3 for 5 by this time next week! It's a very enjoyable album.  Like I mentioned before, upon first listen, I was not moved in any way, shape or form! This year is going along OK.  My mental healing continues. I have a bout of depression now and then, and they have gotten a bit worse, but I attribute it to stress, and the winter.  I have been very busy with school (this current class sucks), and pursing acting opportunities.  Since January, I have auditioned for at least 4 things, which includes some theater companies. And...so far I'm shut out. It's frustrating. I'm a decent actor, but I think its my 'look', first and foremost. I don't really have a 'look', so people don't know what to do with me

A new year. I won't wax philosophic - I'm not good at that, exactly. You know, opining with clever sentences and saying something enticing of a chuckle or two, while warming your heart in nervous anticipation of another year...I will spare myself the attempt at that. I will say this: I tried to wipe the proverbial slate clean. No more self-guessing. No more apologizing for stupid stuff that doesn't require an apology. Grab life. Face challenges. Stop being afraid of things getting hard or more difficult.  Just do it, dammit!  Accept the days when I feel miserable, or when I don't feel happy, and just deal with it...then move on. Oh, the insanity that is me. I'm so busy with acting opportunities coming up - trying to learn an English accents, practicing monologues, and trying to drop a few pounds to just look a bit healthier. Work is starting to suck, though. I have to amp up my effort. Well, the very cool "Running Backwards" by Geoff Tate's Que