OCTOBER 2011
I feel old. And, anachronistic. I just am so full of anxiety as I feel so out of place, anywhere. But I've always felt like that, ever since I can remember. I live like I'm in my 20s, in a way. I think the silliest things are funny. Any (few) 'friends' I DO have are in their 20s. I just can't get a grip on who I am, what I want to do with my life, where I'm going, and everything else. I'm a middle aged nothing loser...I just can't cope anymore with anxiety, depression, and stress. What makes me happy? Music does, I guess. My acting might, although the opportunities have dried up, and I've actually gotten to be a worse actor, because of my nervousness and self-consciousness. Yea - I mean, I was getting better, had impressed a few people, but then the last 3 auditions sucked lemons. I got into acting to get OVER this shit, and ive slid backwards into the pit of low-esteem. I dont want to see summer 2012. I dont want to be around by that time. I just