My Top 5 Songs

The most wonderful time of the year! ... Or so it's been sung! Christmas is weird. I'll probably ramble and repeate what I wrote last year, so I won't wax philosophic on this holiday. It's a beautiful holiday in a way, because it is believed that this is the celebration of a divine power becoming part of the earth's civilization. Crazy fascinating, if you think about it. So here we go....Blondie and Queensryche both had songs dropping out, but the two new entries are from their respective, recent albums. Good to see the old folks making their mark! How Theophilus London's song isn't HUGE is beyond me. It's a great song that traverses several genres! DECEMBER 2011 1. "Open the Door", by Implodes 1, 1, 2 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RED_55Q6O3I 2. "Last Name London", by Theophilus London 3, 2, 2 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vFJ9doyaMUs&ob=av2e 3. "Winter Harvest", by The Accident Experiment 2, 2, 5 http://www.youtube.

New digs! I still have to fix up the new place, and put all this stuff away (I've been here over a week now!), but I love it! It's a bit more expensive, but with only electric to pay - no gas, no nothing else. It's convenient, and closer to everything (saving on gasoline). The neighborhood is one of the better ones in this city. I feel so good about everything! I got my 3 jobs and one graduate class under control (for now!), and I think I can stay on top of everything until the end of the semester - and hopefully pull an A in the class. Musically, there is a lot going on. There are good bands out there, a lot of creative music I hear, even within the pop mainstream. I think Lady Gaga sucks, but then I always thought the pop divas did, even Madonna. Without video, a lot of sexual innuendo or just exposed skin, and a hint of scandal, there is little else for the music to stand on. Her stuff in particular isn't even that good for dance/club/house whatever genre you ca

I feel old. And, anachronistic. I just am so full of anxiety as I feel so out of place, anywhere. But I've always felt like that, ever since I can remember. I live like I'm in my 20s, in a way. I think the silliest things are funny. Any (few) 'friends' I DO have are in their 20s. I just can't get a grip on who I am, what I want to do with my life, where I'm going, and everything else. I'm a middle aged nothing loser...I just can't cope anymore with anxiety, depression, and stress. What makes me happy? Music does, I guess. My acting might, although the opportunities have dried up, and I've actually gotten to be a worse actor, because of my nervousness and self-consciousness. Yea - I mean, I was getting better, had impressed a few people, but then the last 3 auditions sucked lemons. I got into acting to get OVER this shit, and ive slid backwards into the pit of low-esteem. I dont want to see summer 2012. I dont want to be around by that time. I just

Late again, this month...the Top 5 should be posted within the first weekend of the month. September flies by, and many changes have taken place for me this year. Different siutations, and in some cases, the same old situations because I have habits or a way of living that will never change, I guess. My sadness comes and goes. I have a feeling of despair as I returned to school where I did my undergrad - a place I loathed and for which I have few fond feelings. I had thought that this time, I can MAKE it great, be PROACTIVE in enjoying my time there as I try to better myself and my life situation with advanced education. I'm not hopeless that that will happen. What I am scared of, as always, is MYSELF. I am my own worst enemy, with my laziness, procrastination, pessimism, and lack of motivation. I hate me sometimes. This month's Top 5 is rather strange. Compared to past years, it is very much NOT a dark selection (what with Godsmack, Disturbed, Linkin Park, etc.). Interesting.

Here I am again. August, 2011. I can't believe I've made it to the halfway point of 2011. If you woulda asked me back in, say, 1985 that I would see the 21st century, I'd say "nah, hopefully I would kill myself long before that!". Long story short - i've stuck it out in this shitty life and im now officially middle aged. yes, middle aged and people still treat me like a kid. Why do I even bother waxing about it? I'm sick of hearing in my head my words here. I should just do it, for pete's sake. End it. I just don't want to destroy my parents lives. So I have to wait until they pass first. *eye roll* I am so frustrated with everything i do, everything i try, everyone i know. I feel so alone, even amongst people with whom i SHOULDNT be alone. im a mess - its all internal. its all me. I love "new low". blondie is back with another studio album (their ninth); this is the third since their "reunion" (which didnt inclu

Is 2011 flying along or what? Father Time is in a hurry to usher us all to our demise in 2012, I suppose. ha. I have to minimize the negativity in my life. I've realized that for many, many years, I've been a little hard on myself - all this negativity isn't TOTALLY due to myself. It has a lot to do with other people. For some reason, I gravitate to negativity and negative people. So in a way, it's my doing, but sometimes you can't help but be affected by the negativity that spews from people you have to associate with. That's a very simplified explanation. What an interesting month for the Top 5! TWO new entries - how refreshing! Adele kicked butt but her songs are waning. Very respectable for her. BLONDIE is back with their best album since their reunion (well, thats not sayin much). They still have a bit of fluff on the new CD, but the songs arent bad. I'd say there are no less than 3 possible hits on the CD - not that they'll be hits, but they a

Wow - late June. Yes, I'm a couple weeks late posting this month's chart. I'm depressed. I'm lonely. I actually prefer being alone, but at times during the week I think how incredible it would be to have someone to see, if just to meet for a quick dinner. Life seems overrated at times. But at other times, incredibly worth experiencing. I have always been a person of extremes - wanting to kill myself for a couple days in a row, then feeling the excitement of something like bicycling, an amusement park, or roller blading, and feeling so great that I think I can conquer the world. That must be why I can gravitate to a band like Godsmack, then something very aural and lush, like Florence and the Machine's "Cosmic Love" (which fell out of the top 5 a couple months ago). Anything in between - forget it. For the most part. I am in typical form, of which I've suffered since adolescence. I'm in my 40s now, and what has changed - alone, coming up short of

May - I hate this month. Here is the top 5 for this month....enjoy, y'all: MAY 2011 1. "Someone Like You", by Adele 1, 1, 2 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qemWRToNYJY 2. "Rolling in the Deep", by Adele 2, 1, 4 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rYEDA3JcQqw 3. "I Blame You", by Godsmack 3, 2, 4 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UU57vA0--rQ 4. "Shake Me Down", by Cage the Elephant 5, 4, 2 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v27TRan1SBI 5. "Colors of Life", by Mystic -, 5, 1 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rzI4Ns_uJ_Q MAY 2010 1. "Private Hell" by Alice in Chains 1, 1, 5 2. "ATX", by Alberta Cross 2, 2, 3 3. "It's Your Decision", by Alice in Chains 5, 3, 2 4. "1901", by Phoenix -, 4, 1 5. "Sort Of" by Silversun Pickups 4, 4, 4 MAY 2001 1. "One Step Closer", by Linkin Park 2. "Outside", by Aaron Lewis/Fred Durst 3. "Beautiful Day", by U2 4. "Awake", by Gods

There is a disconnect in my chart keeping - I stopped, for some reason, in March of 1998, then continued my charts in April 1999. This will drive me crazy in the future if I want to look up a song. OK, this is weird - Adele DEBUTS at #1, and knocks GODSMACk down a notch. I never expected this to happen. I NEVER like vocal performers. But hell, she has good songs; I usually don't enjoy a lot of vocalist performers, but she's definitely an exception. The "Someone Like You" performace at the Brit Awards (see video below) is phenomenal. It is so rich, so perfect, so deep. She was so beautiful and voluptuous. Her face was like a modern Mono Lisa, but twice as beautiful. What a great, but sad song. Why did it debut at $1? Well, I ended a relationship in early March. This will undoubtedly be the last one I ever have. I just can't imagine doing it again. It was a complicated thing - she lived over an hour away for starters. So I happened to come across Adele

Adele is so cool. I am swept away with the two songs I know from her. One of those songs - well, see below! The other I only heard recently, and was so moved by it. I guess that I like her modesty. She's not arrogant, maybe a tad shy. I tend to not like vocalist performers, but Adele - wow, I never would have guessed how much I'm inter her right now. How y'all doing? I'm OK, I guess. Still chronically underemployed, and no closer to choosing a long term life path. There are things I'm getting into, like music and acting, but those things aren't worth mentioning until/unless they become viable, real things, and not just hobbies. Enough said about that...As always, it's fun to look at the charts from a decade ago. I actually wrote to Michele Crispin, telling her how interesting and cool her cover of "Rapture". She actually wrote back! That song by Linkin Park is the only one of theirs that has charted on my Top 5. I just don't like them that

February already! The Super Bowl is in 2 days (this blog is about a week late), and let's hope the Steelers trounce Green Bay. I've been feeling better lately because of music. Music just affects my soul like nothing else. I like to saturate my head with just a single song, 'hearing' it in my memory all day long - that alone is better than having no music at all, from a radio, from streaming, or wherever else. OK, let's talk about the charts! Chevelle is #1 again, for only the second week, but has been in the Top 5 for EIGHT weeks. It's a catchy song, no doubt. "I Was a Teenage Anarchist" reminds me of "Freak of the Week", by Marvelous 3 for some reason. This song is fun indulgence. Its saving grace is the refrain. Here comes Godsmack again! This is the third song from the most recent album - sort of. "I Blame You" is not on the actual CD I bought, but its on the accompanying DVD, as is "Whiskey Hangover", a song that

Happy New Year!!!!!!!!!....I guess. I thought about 10 months ago things were looking up. Nothing has changed since, well, I was a kid. My life is lonely, full of ambition but without execution, full of fear and anxiety... It's not a totally horrible existence, but just frustrating because my mind reaches for things - the arts, love, excitement, contentness, but all those always seem beyond my reach, and it could be my own doing. Or rather, my own limitations (from said fear, anxiety, etc.). I'm tired. Just mentally tired. I know, I know, there are people in the world who suffer REAL fear - for their lives, on a daily basis. They don't have potable water, sufficient food, etc. I do feel for people in that situation. NONE of those luxuries do I ever take for granted. I always thank God for those. But I will always feel incomplete. DAMN! I just checked what I wrote a year ago, in January of 2010 - pretty much the same. I should spare my massive audience any more of my mala