My Top 5 Songs

What a year. It's almost over. I don't know what to ponder, or how to label 2012.  It was overall good, I guess. I found full-time work in my career field (sort of, but it will do). I completed a graduate level course and got an A- (whew...it took A LOT of work).  I got word that I was accepted into grad school for 2013. And, so far, I still have my good health, my safety, my sight (even though it's getting worse!).... I am used to being alone, though.  I haven't been intimate with someone in about 2 years now!  I haven't kissed anyone passionately in that time, too. It would be nice to find that special someone, but oh well. There isn't much change in this month's Top 5.  What's notable is another entry from Blondie. "Sleeping Giant" is a song that didn't make the cut for their recent "Panic of Girls" album. WHY!?! "Panic" is the best of their last three albums (the post-reunion era), and it is actually decent, co

Home stretch for 2012...November already. Wow. I love the autumn, but I pretend in November...I pretend that I forget this is the month of my birthday. I don't really acknowledge it, nor do I like anyone else to make the slightest deal about it.  I think about it for a second or two, then put it out of my mind. This is because of the constant frustration I experience, year after year. It is my own fault, but I am just not happy - or, if I am, it's not for long. I am just an unhappy person. And lonely. Tim Hecker's instrumental is #1 again - just unchallenged, since I find a lot of entertainment in atmospheric music lately. There are two new entries - songs that are months old, that I have been enjoying, but finally boiled over into the Top 5. I like this month's top 5 - it would make a good mini-playlist on an I-pod. NOVEMBER 2012 1. "In the Fog, Part I/II/III", by Tim Hecker 1, 1, 6 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ytQLA77X6Qw 2. "Irresistabl

I haven't really been able to enjoy music much lately, and therefore again this month there is little change to the Top 5.  A new entry is "Irresistable Force", by Jane's Addiction - a song that probably should have broken the chart last month.  My mind is just not on music a lot lately. That is my treasure, my escape, my solace - enjoyment of music.  I will get back into it soon enough, I hope! OCTOBER 2012 1. "In the Fog, Part I/II/III", by Tim Hecker 1, 1, 5 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ytQLA77X6Qw 2.  "End to the Lies", by Jane's Addiction 2, 1, 7 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nIFcc0OzMHQ 3.  "Le Bleu", by Blondie 3, 2, 4 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RX82nEHV75o 4. "Irresistable Force", by Jane's Addiction -, 4, 1 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rVOi5Hdbd7Q 5. "The Sound of Winter", by Bush 5, 1, 9 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vi06TWlKeHc OCTOBER 2011 1. "D-Day", by Bl

I'm very late this month.  I have been very busy trying to hustle acting gigs, and getting music together, as well as tending to family engagements (Labor Day, birthday parties, weddings, etc., etc., etc.). I don't have much to say, except I think my life is meant to be sabotaged by people's misery.  I always find myself dragged down into the pits of despair of those I love. I see it as doing my duty out of love and loyalty.   Here's the thing - none of them ever support my in my endeavors to enrich my life, enjoy my life, try different things, and so forth - all to try to make contentment if not happiness IN this life.  Hardly one word of encouragement....just blank stares...as if they might be thinking "oh look at you, mr. show off", or "im glad you are happy and it's too bad i cant be happy, too", or "wait - you try things outside your comfort zone of depression and isolation...i dont even know you anymore!!!" I listen to the glo

A little late again, but it's OK. Wow - I read the entry from a year ago and I'm glad I have moved on a bit from the constant malaise.  Things have gotten better - it took work, though.  I like who I am, for the most part. My job (a "REAL" job, and in my field of study) is going pretty well, six months in.  I have disposable income, so I can enjoy things I might not have been able to for the prior 3 years! And, I'm in love - again.  Well, not 'again', because I never really stopped loving this person..... ....but we are not together. I don't know if we will ever be. What I will say is that this person is very nice, very sweet, with a big heart. Like me, this person sees things bigger than the individual - god(s), nature, everything. I like that. Our religions/spiritual perspectives converge, but then seriously diverge at times. Our lifestyles couldn't be more different. Our discussions about anything - politics, the world in general - are int

'Sweatin' to the oldies', one might say in these dog days of summer. 'Sweatin'" was an aerobics/exercise routine from maybe 10 years ago.  Anyway, yea, this is one hot summer, and we are barely into it. Recently I completed a small part in a movie, and I acted in a play.  For the former - fun, and I was lucky enough to use the day on set to cement some acquaintanceships - well, they can't call them 'friendships' exactly, and I doubt they were 'cemented'.  but I saw movie crew I had worked with in the past. That's a good thing, because they might keep me in mind for future roles. For the latter - the play - well, that was OK. Good and bad. Mostly negative - this was a dinky play that wasn't even very good.  Some of the people were so hard to deal with. They were always stressed, curt, and swearing.....it's ok, it was decent acting experience, although a small role (as usual). I have an audition coming up for a one act play.

Are we halfway over with 2012 already? I kicked ass in my graduate class - an "A-".  Hey, I don't care if that "-" taints the glory of such a good grade. It's not a "C" (my standard in life), and higher than even a B+.   I worked so hard on the homework and got excellent grades on that part of the course.  The two mid-terms were disappointing, but I probably got close to 100% on the final exam, hence my surfing forward to the A- in the final week of the term. thank you, yes, thank you. please, stop all the applause, you're embarrassing me! Things are going well in life. I am in the midst of a play, I did one scene in another independent film, and the new full-time job (about 3 months in by now) is not too bad. I'm still in love but of course I am not with that person. We speak, and it's painful to be connected with our mutual love but separated because of a number of other reasons. I just never deal with this - instead of 'm

May. May's always been a nondescript kinda month for me. Yes, it's when school ends so I might have a fondness for this month, with memories of bolting from a final exam with a feeling of accomplishment, or of good times winding down from semesters with classmates I would not see again until months later. But strangely, no. I hardly have had any friends in many years, and none that close in my higher education years. So May, like other months, is just another month of me in my own little world. Not that I mind much. I'm in good shape lately - making money in the new job, not minding it (there are some boring days but some where I get stuff done and enjoy it), and also putting time into other pursuits like learning a different language, and acting. So overall, things are good. I really need to start putting time back into music - playing guitar and drums, and writing again. I have a lot of lyrics from YEARS (and years and years) ago that I should finally start tryi

Things are moving along nicely with the new full time, "REAL" job which is professional and in my field of study. Not much to complain about there since I can now rebuild my savings, which were destroyed from underemployment for 3 years (!) and graduate classes the last two semesters. School - that is a different story. I've been taking graduate level classes. I am so weak on the undergrad stuff (being so long since I've seen it!) that I spend way too much time on homework reviewing the basics. I am not sure if pursuing a graduate degree is even worth it at this point. No car - sold the junker a month or so ago. As far as "junkers" go, that car was in pretty good condition. It just needed so much mechanical work that I did not want to pay for. I don't mind having a car, and saving money I'd otherwise spend on gas, insurance, etc. But...despite the good news (school notwithstanding), I am still alone. How is it possible to have no friends? I don&#

Things looking up in a hurry. Spring arrived very early, and the weather has been fantastic. My spirits are looking up. I got a new job recently - a well-paying job associated with my field of study (well, somewhat). I got rid of my old car for a small amount, and now am car-free, and saving a fortune on gasoline. Well, my student ID pays for my bus fare, and the tuition to GET that ID was not exactly chump change. Anyway, the glory of music has eluded me for the last couple months - a lull, like I sometimes get. I am definitely out of the loop with what is on commercial radio, at least, and haven't really found new stuff to enjoy. That's OK - I've been revisiting older songs from the last 3 decades (was Pat Benatar's "Precious Time", an excellent album, really THIRTY years ago???). And, I'm slimming down the crap from my CD collection. I'm only in the As, but have gotten rid of maybe 4 CDs, while ripping onto my computer the few good songs from

Late this month posting the Top 5. Music has been great the last few years. There has been a lot of stuff from different areas of the pop/rock music universe. I can't say I'm too familiar with any metal anymore, though. Things are moving in the right direction. Not only do I start a full-time job (a 'real' job, in my career field) in March, this employer has education benefits, meaning the graduate classes I started last year I will be able to continue. (Geez, I am definitely not taking classes in sentence writing - ha!). Otherwise, without financial aid (and DEBT), I wouldn't be able to pursue graduate studies. Dare I say that I am almost 'happy'. And that frightens me! QUICK - break out the Alice in Chains and old Cure. haha. So, good luck to me in my new job. M83 storms in and knocks the lovely "Open the Door" out of the top spot. "Midnight City" is a great song. It's so simple in many ways. But hey, people like simplici

HAPPY NEW YEAR! I can't allow myself to ramble the same things I said in 2010 and 2011. I had a few ideas about how to express myself here, but after a glance at my 2010 and 2011 January posts, I decided to spare myself the monotony. I'm just lonely, and living an unrewarding life. Don't preach, or give advice. I am simply a miserable person, trapped in this life. It's not my own choice, really. I would like nothing more for contentment and satisfaction, but there is something much more at play here. Who knows exactly what it is. Well, one thing could be that I just let the world (and people) get me down. No, I don't LET that happen, but it does. "Thin-skinned" might be the proper term. So sue me, that is how I am - overly sensitive. I can't help it. Music is everything to me. How someone can take an idea, concept, or just a casual fiddling around and create a song to me is amazing. Lately I've been interested in Tool, even though back in the da