My Top 5 Songs

Well, another repeat:  late post this month...school was murder in the final weeks of the term...but got an A anyway, although I feel like I did not learn really THAT much as I should for fucking graduate school....sheesh.....feeling up and down - depressed, then happy, then depressed. What is the point of this stupid blog?!?!??!  What is the point of even going on, I am beginning to wonder.  I am truly alone and no one cares if a white guy over 35 lives, dies, or what he things about anything. Here is my Top 5 for this month.  Not a lot of movement, as my life has not centered that much on music lately.  I have a month until the next, and final semester starts - I am hoping to brush up on my deteriorated music skills, as well as get in some exercise, and other pursuits. That is all - my head hurts, my neck hurts, and I do not fear death. DECEMBER 2015 1.  "Wildfire", by Borgeous 1, 1, 5 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gmZI7xFisHA 2.  "Take Out

Very late this month, but it doesn't matter since I knew at the beginning of the month exactly how it would look. First, my monthly bitch about life...I have not much to say. It is what it is.  I am unhappy overall, as usual.  Much of it has to do with my father - he is just fucking miserable, and that has created a life of frustration, drudgery, and enslavement for my mom.  She is old school - loyal, hard working, not one to venture into the unknown -  otherwise, she would have divorced his ass years ago. This has caused for me a lot of emotional pain over the years.   The Church has an entry for the first time since June 4th, 2005. Their most recent album is...boring. I tired of it pretty fast, but "Vanishing Man" really is a cool song.  I will have to get the album back to rotation to absorb other potential charting songs.   I remember liking the album, but its because I like The Church, and not because it was good on its own.  I saw them in concert a few month

Very late this month!  I just spend too much time on computers at work, and then for schoolwork in the evening.  So often, I postpone updating this blog. I hate my job. I really do.  It is such a disappointment.  My skills are not maximized there - actually, they are hardly used there.  What I do, anyone with clerical support can do, for the most part.  My technical background is rarely drawn from for daily responsibilities.   I should not complain.  My job would be a DREAM for most others.  The point is that I have so much time - YEARS - invested in advancing my education, my overall knowledge, and it's not something I can put into practice. C'est le vie. Hope I got that right. Ten years ago, the Foo Fighters song debuted at #1, stayed there for 3 months, and remained in the Top Five for a total of TWELVE months.  Wow.  I do not like that band, except for that song and a few others.  Oh, did I just offend someone?  People, it's OK to say you do not like the same a

We are chugging along, aren't we.  Autumn is not far away (YAY!). School has started - I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I am confused about a lot of things.  I have a good life, all things considered.  Why do I always feel as if I'm shortchanged?  Will this ever change. I don't want to dwell on that now. Mastodon missed going 3 for 5 because they had a song drop out, but it was replaced by the new entry "Halloween".  It is the chorus on that song that just grew on me - I don't like the intro much, and the guitars are OK, but not great.  That chorus is just beautiful, though. I don't think they are done yet with charting songs from "Once More 'Round the Sun", though! That weird little song which I THINK (but not sure) is about a split personality is at #1.  It's just infectious, and catchy.  The soulful background vocals are nice. So that's it - the top two spots are female-led songs, one being a club EDM typ

Whew!  Summer class over...got an A.  This wasn't a total chore - it was a pretty easy class. Two more...then I am done with graduate school...just nine more months or so.  Question is, what to do AFTER that?   Advance my career?  I just don't want to work more hours doing what I do, and instead want to focus on... ...have you been paying attention to my blog?   Yes, that is correct!  Music, acting, stuff like that.  And weightlifting and staying in shape, too. I'm actually in a good mood.  I feel good, but as usual, I'm sullen...with no relationships, nowhere to fit in, nothing....So as long as the weather  is nice and I can get out and walk and ride the bike, I'm good.  Otherwise, I suck. Chalk up another #1 for Mastodon.  They now have two.  Some day I will have to research what bands have the most #1s, most Top 5 songs, etc.  No doubt Godsmack will dominate most of those categories. The eerie and haunting song by Kaley Victoria Rose pole vaults to #2,

I kept putting this off...it's another thing on the schedule.  MORE time at the computer.  I need a break - I need frivolty: watching movies, driving around for the helluvit, getting a pizza at midnight.... I am just so busy, as usual. A cousin got married recently.  It was nice to see family from other states and provinces, for the first time in years.  I always feel dull, and that no one really wants to talk to me that much. Little do they know how interesting I am - I just am not the conventional citizen as they are.  They are mostly all nice people, but just...typical.  I just do not feel I am typical.  My dreams are for music and acting....honestly, they are. Here is this month's Top 5.  Mastodon just kicks ass, what more can be said.  There is weakness among the big hits, though, now that I can devote more time to my saved playlist of current favorites. I missed Jane's Addiction, by the way.  I was not feeling well, and super busy - so I am glad I did not b

I am really enjoying the summer thus far!  I love riding the bicycle, sometimes going 30 miles or more on a ride, or tackling some big hills here in the city. I got an A in the winter class, and started the condensed, fast moving summer class. It shouldn't be too much of a problem.   Just this one and two more....! But I know really I am empty inside. I have no friends, no significant other.  It's hopeless. I haven't changed much over the last 20 years. The same things that bothered me then bother me now. Of course there are differences - and changes for the better, I would like to think.  But I still have the same faults, make the same mistakes when it comes to people, and still have the same anxieties about socializing and being the center of attention. That's all I care to say now. I care about those things, but DON'T care, at the same time. Mastodon is dominating the chart this month! Next month, they may strike with another single from the very good a

Late this month posting - school has kept me busy.   The class ended this week, and I hope to get an A - we'll see.  I have 10 days of freedom until my accelerated pace summer class (2 months instead of 4!) commences. In good spirits lately.  The warm weather has me kicking butt on the hills on my bike.  The gears are a mess, though - I really have to learn how to fine tune them. The chain locks up at times, going up steep hills. I saw Mastodon, with Clutch and The Graveyard a couple weeks ago.  I really enjoyed Mastodon a great deal!  I did my head banging and acting so not my age (jumping up and down) but I don't care - I waited months for this after getting into this band last January.  I have three of their albums, now, and will probably get 'em all.   The other two bands were OK.  I was not fully impressed with Clutch, partly because I do not know their songs.  Most people there were for Clutch. I hope to see Godsmack at a music festival in Baltimore next Septemb

April showers....bring nothing in particular.  Just a few days late this month.  Music has been great the last couple years.  The Rolling Stones are touring, and I want to go see them.  Also, I bought no less than 4 or so CDs the last few months - that is a tremendous amount.  A new appreciation for music dawned on me - a lot of that has to do with Black Sabbath's body of work, which I have enjoyed listening to online. Their 70s stuff was just so good - at least, I really like it now, whereas maybe 15 years ago I might NOT have, since I was pretty much loving the alternative rock sounds and textures that were amazing at that time. Things are going OK.  I went to church quite a bit just before Easter and found it very worthwhile. I prayed and thought I found some type of connection with God. I am feeling pretty good inside - not always so ugly and blue anymore. Easter was nice, but I always find my familial experiences to be disappointing. So here you go - Tove Lo again at #1,

A couple weeks late for March, 2015.  I can't believe I made it to 2015.  I had always thought I would die, either of a heart attack, as a victim of a random shooting, or by my own hand. My mind has ebbed back to the gloom of yesteryear.  I can't believe it, but it's true - I am fatalistic again - always fantasizing about dying in dramatic fashion, like rescuing someone while falling to death myself. I am just....damaged.  I will always feel weird, wired, self-loathsome, and immature.   There, I said it - my values are immature. They are in the gutter. I still harbor resentment from decades ago. Tonight I ripped up all my high school yearbooks.  I graduated THIRTY years ago this coming spring.  For THREE DECADES I carried them around with me, from place to place.  So tonight, in trying to keep with my spirit of being organized and not holding on to junk, I found them in  a box - top shelf of a closet.   I took them to the floor, where I sat cross-legged and stared at

Things are getting scary across the globe.  Europe is following the same path it did prior to WWII, pretty much.   Maybe not.  But the wave of anti-muslim feeling continues to grow there.  I can't speak for anyone in Europe - I do hope that it's directed toward the asinine extremist terrorists. I always loved the German word for that - "terroristen".  Those people are just crazy.  How can ANY devotion to a religion have you act that way?  I understand the Koran (I don't care how it's properly spelled at this point) is loaded with directives for antagonism against infidels and non-believers in Mohammed and Allah (or something like that).  There are the know-it-alls:  "well, the Bible does that, too".... No, no, it really does not. You can take anything out of context. Or, out of the Old Testament. Show me where Jesus deliberately, explicitly said "yea, kill them", where it was not part of an illustrative fable He was preaching. I am not

Another new year.   I am...indifferent.  I just don't emote much - I don't get excited, nor dejected. I just go with the flow.  I miss having EMOTION - being angry, happy, jubilant, or downcast - either a positive or negative emotion.  It doesn't matter - that was LIFE. I'm slowing down in my old age. haha. I'm sorry the song "Bear Hands" did not last long in the Top 5. I hope I don't forget it forever and never revisit the song. The new entry this month is one of those flukes:  a song from an artist I normally wouldn't like too much...but for whatever reason, I heard a song by chance, on a day I was more receptive to dance music, and it stuck in my head.  I love the Chainsmokers Remix of "Habits".  I checked out other songs by Tove Lo, the Swedish pop star.  She's OK, but it is just not my cup of tea. "Splice" is just an intoxicatingly beautiful song. There is not much else to say that I stated last month.  Geoff