NOVEMBER 2013
Late again. November is a weird month for me for various reasons too boring to state. I love it, though. It is the advent of the holiday seasons. If I'm in school (which is most of my life, it seems), I can see the light at the end of the semester tunnel. Things are going so well that I can't help but think of ways to sabotage everything. No, really, I think of cutting myself off from some friends. Abruptly quitting my job. I mean, ANYTHING, even suicide, anything that will hurt someone and make them feel bad. A part of me would enjoy that, even though the 'whole' of me would not. Weird, I know. It's like I can't just enjoy being....happy. Content. Comfortable in a success that I have created for myself. I need despair, conflict, sadnesss....This is just honesty here. I realize this problem. I do not know why I HAVE this problem, though, nor how to let it go. I have a suspicion, though. One reason my mind works this way is that I were to '